|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 7:29 am
 |
|
|
 |
I have no school today. Prepare for mass amounts of prose, kids. And since I promised Kirbs this a while ago, I shall put this up here for her. I'm writing this in the text-box, so spelling and grammar will probably be horrid. Ignore it. I also posted this in my new section in the Works in Progress dealie, but I liked how it came out, so I wanted to make sure everyone saw.
Kirby, hope you like what I've done..
On Our Way
Kamile ran a hand through her black hair that ran down to her waist, silver eyes glancing over at Everon and where he sat by the small pond they had stopped at. She was sprawled out on her stomach, chin in her hands as her elbows rested against the soft grass. Sighing softly, she plucked a blade of baby grass from the ground and ran it through her fingers, gaze flicking over across the water when a small fish flopped over the surface.
I like it here.. She started, using their bond to speak to her look-alike without moving her lips.
So much time had passed since they had decided to travel out across Ametris, and yet she still hadn't bottled up the courage to voice everything inside of her head.
That was one thing that she had learned relatively quickly. To hide all feelings she held for him. It was hard most times, but she couldn't bear the thought of Everon not returning her love.
It certainly is beautiful. Quiet. Kept from time. A meaningful glance was turned towards his counter-part, the same silver eyes gazing at her while she stared out at the water.
Everon wished he could just stare at her like this forever. Unseen and unknonwn but continuously watching her. Thoughts straying, he leaned back against the strong trunk of a old tree, shadowing the grove and speckling shadows across the grass.
Stretching his legs out in front of him, he crossed them and quickly looked out to the small spray of water the spurted up as the waterfall when Kamile flicked her eyes at him.
He was watching her. A small ache started in her chest and she wondered whether he actually was or simply gazing out at something beyond her. Lowering her eyes to the blade of grass, she ran it through the small slit made between her index and thumb and sat up. She situated herself and tugged at the tunic that covered her upper body, belted loosely around her waist.
Looking over herself, Kamile allowed a small crawling bug onto her finger and lowered it back to the ground. Silly little thing, she thought to herself with a small smile creeping up onto her face.
Smiling lit up her face. The young man noted this fact once again and watched her play with a small dragonfly, darting in and buzzing before flitting away and darting back in. Laughter rang from her, the gentle sound expelling outwards across the water as well as into the trees.
Everon closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto the tree bark, wishing he could hear that pleasant noise for the rest of his days.
Moment passing, the young woman got up and walked over to Everon, plopping down beside him and poking him childishly in the side. Opening one eye, he crooked his brow at her and gave her a look.
"You had better run.." He told her, no joking in his tone although the gleam in his eye let her know better.
Squealing, Kamile scrambled to her feet and tried to get away before Everon grabbed her ankle and she tumbled to the ground. Kneeling over her, he went straight for her mid-section, tickling her so that she squirmed and shrieked. Laughing through it all, Everon finally let her go and watched her heavy breathing subside, no longer gasping for air.
Silver eyes gazed out at one another, Kamile looking up and Everon looking down. Thoughts and feelings burned through them, and all at once they both knew how the other felt.
Bribe me for a continuance, perhaps? Toldja I would do them justice, Kirby.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 3:09 pm
|
|
|
|
OMG OMG OMG
It's my characters!
In someone else's style! It's like handwriting, everyone's is different and no one can ever forge it right.
OKay, let's do the four-on-four thing.
Things I noticed:
1) Everan, with an a. I'm sorry, I'm a spelling/grammar whore.
2) Um, no one ever knows that Kamile's in love with him. It's what makes the book interesting. But, whatever.
3) Everan wouldn't ever tickle her, he's too protective, and if he accidentally hurt her he'd freak out. (She isn't like that; she's punched him twice in the face O.o xd ) And besides, that's considered perverted in Ametris...at least, not for little kids.
4) Young woman, young man...it doesn't really fit them. But I can't exactly say why, this is my whiny chocolate-deprived self speaking. So I'll stop.
Things I loved: heart
1) Absolutely adored the desriptions, of them and the scenery. Loved the setting too--really loose time frame, which means you don't have to put any specific details (like Kamile's scar on her arm or their weapons) because they pretty much travel across Ametris their whole lives. Just what they DO, ya know?
2) Loved the way you portrayed them both. Cuuuuute.
3) I liked the part about Everan being in love...everyone loves him for it. Before...not so much. Or at least, I think so.
4) title, style, everything...it was absolutely enchanting, chica. And it was almost exactly like them...they talk like that, you know. All in all, a complete success. Yay!
This was really great for me, I love to hear about these guys from other people, because everyone has such a different view of them, so thanks!
^(^0^)^
Three cheers for 91!
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 4:50 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 6:07 pm
|
|
|
|
oh, well of course. it's easy. Whatever Kamile is, Everan's pretty much the opposite. Though, not to a very extreme extent--he's cautious and she's reckless, he's pretty much the smartest person in both worlds and she can hardly even read, he's one of those cute, guilt-ridden types while she's bouncy and carefree. Just think of an attribute (artsy, for example--that's, um, Everan,) and apply it to one, then make the other one the opposite.
But it isn't so obvious. that's the hard part.
erm.........it's hard to explain. X.x
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
