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Monsters
Lilly was possibly the sweetest twelve-year-old in existence. She was bright in school, and had a love of books great and small. She loved to make friends, and charmed all adults, including her parents. Her busy, often absent parents. However…
Lilly had a terrible secret. Hidden deep in her closet, and far under her bed, she had two strange spirits. When she was little, these intrusive beings were her monsters; now that she was older, and her fears were more complex, they became her insecurities. You know, the type of insecurities that accuse you of being stupid, fat, lazy, disfigured, introverted, unfashionable, and unloved.
They would, from time to time, take solid form. The one enclosed in the closet, behind formal dresses and winter coats, was high-pitched and nagging, and apparently female. She was blonde, with ruby high heels, two ginormous hoop earrings, and a pink dress with a yellow collar. She criticized everything regarding Lilly’s appearance. She was cruel in her opinion, and would not settle until her demands were met. Lilly must only wear the best. Lilly must only look the best. Lilly almost never did.
The one crammed into the crack under the bed was grumpy and bitter, and apparently male. She did not see him as often as the first creature, but he wore a decidedly black outfit each time he appeared. He searched Lilly’s soul, and found all her faults tucked away there, whether day-to-day mistakes or character flaws. He seemed particularly happy when something in her life was not going well, and smirked or laughed at her when she had done something wrong.
She tried many methods to get rid of these monsters. She had ignored them, reasoned with them, yelled at them, and even pleaded with them. She even listened to their side of the coin, which was tiresome, as they had much to say to her.
The spirit in the closet she began calling Danielle.
The spirit under the bed she began calling Donovan.
Both seemed much pleased when Lilly gave up upon ridding her presence of them, and slowly began taking over her life.
‘You need us,’ Donovan would say. ‘We are your life’s guides.’
‘You wouldn’t be able to get by without us! We’re here to help.’ Retorted Danielle.
‘We’ll make you popular.’ They’d both say.
‘I don’t want to be popular. I want real friends. I want to write beautiful stories about princesses and enchanted castles.’
“Too bad.”
So, Lilly wore what Danielle described as “trendy”. She acted sweet and innocent, but not so much that they’d suspect her of faking. She’d wear little ribbons in her hair if Danielle said so. She’d practice her laugh if Donovan smirked at it.
And slowly, ever so slowly, their commands, criticisms, and instructions integrated with her. Became second nature.
Gone were the days when all she had wanted to do was write. Gone were the days when she had resented those stupid “trendy” outfits. Gone were the days when she had despised her “improved” laugh. Finally, gone were the days when she had longed for a true friend. Longed for parents that would talk with her, joke with her, hug her. Those days were long past.
Then, Lilly turned thirteen.
Danielle grew higher pitched, and even more snobby.
Donovan grew increasingly pessimistic, and even more snarky.
‘You should start dropping the innocent act. Start small: spread gossip about an unpopular girl. Then, work your way up to flirting with your friends’ “boyfriends”. In fact, it’s about time you started dating.’ Donovan did not have a form today, but Lilly could hear the smirk in his voice.
‘You should wear something skimpy today, something that almost gets you sent home. Also, start asking your mom if you can start wearing makeup. She’ll start ya off. We want those boys just drooling over you, don’t we?’ Danielle was also formless but smiling.
‘But, I don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings. I don’t want to wear skimpy things, and I definitely don’t want to date boys. Not yet at least.’
“Too bad.”
Lilly, once again, decided to go along with them.
Two weeks after her thirteenth birthday, Lilly heard Danielle walk out of the closet, and sit down next to the girl on the bed. Lilly didn’t turn her head, and kept her gaze on her book, for Danielle’s eyes often resembled two black holes, and when they met Lilly’s green ones they often made her violently sick. Lilly took no chances.
Danielle was unusually soft-spoken today, and sounded almost gentle. But she also seemed to be awfully persuasive as well.
‘Lilly, darling, sweetmeat, angel of angels, you know Mama Dani’s only looking out for your best interests, right?’
‘When will your point be reached, Danielle?’
‘Well…I’ve been considering this carefully, and I do believe that…you should switch to contacts.’
‘What?’ Lilly was slightly taken aback by this announcement. Danielle seemed to be talking to herself now.
‘Yes, contacts would be for the best, maybe those colored kind. She took to makeup so well…contacts will do her wonders! And now that we’re on a self-improvement kick…’
‘…let’s go for broke, shall we? Let’s stop that awful reading habit of yours.’ Donovan finished Danielle’s proclamation.
To Lilly, it felt like a double punch, right to the gut. Her glasses, which she had kept through all the unwanted changes Danielle and Donovan had enforced, and had serviced her so nicely, were the only things she had of her original, unmeddled life. And as for her love of books…her stories transported her to a different time, a different place. She became another person for a while. Reading was her one lifeline. It helped her cling to sanity.
‘I don’t want to change anymore. I am my own person.’
‘Yes, but—’
‘My own person. You can’t make me change anymore.’
‘Oh, yes we can…’
‘No. You can’t. You can’t force me to do anything I don’t want to!’
“Too ba—”
“No! It’s not too bad! I refuse to give in ANYMORE!”
With that, Lilly ran downstairs, and out of her house. She ran as fast as she could, afraid that they would follow.
She spent the night in the park, on a bench. At least, she spent most of the night on that bench. Around two in the morning, she woke suddenly, and staggered back home.
Yet…something was wrong. Upon reaching her home, she let out a cry! There was her house, half burnt to the ground! Police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks swarmed the area, trying to get things under control. The neighbors were out and about in their nightgowns, and chatter buzzed in the area.
‘Chief! We can’t find the little girl’s body!’
‘Search the bushes around the house! She might have thrown herself out the window.’
‘Excuse me, sir?’
‘Yes, young lady?’
‘I believe I’m the girl you’re looking for.’
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When Lilly turned fourteen, she was a different person entirely. She wore no makeup, no “trendy” outfits, just jeans, a white t-shirt, and her old, trusty glasses. She laughed loudly and proudly, she wrote in a small journal constantly, and read when she wasn’t writing. She had a butch haircut, and ran her hands through her short, brown hair whenever she was nervous.
However, every Friday afternoon, she’d tromp past her old house. She’d stand at the threshold, and peer up the stairwell, to where her old room used to be. She’d smile, and would walk back out.
While she didn’t rejoice over the tragic death of her loving, absent parents, she knew two spirits she was glad to see the last of.
Finally, she was free.
[End Part One]
