Story feedback please! :D (>")>cU + + +

[NovaKing]

Im new here and I know its a bit immposing, but i would love some input on my current collaborative. Ive been at it for a while but it seems that its much to intimidating for the average writer in collabrative, and sadly yeilds no comments or even hints that any have read it.
so here's the link:

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=17545567&page=1

Unfortunatly allot of the thred is made up of disscusion so you'll have to dig for the story, most of it, though is on pages 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7 once again you may have to do some digging.

note that im still editing, and ill have up the rest of my begging post re-edited shortly  

[KirbyVictorious]

I read it!


bowtothemodthatacceptedyou, mwahahahaha

You are verrrrry talented.

And Omigawds! A high vocabulary. Something I haven't seen in a long time...neat!

(not insulting you guys, but you gotta use big words more often! heart )  

[Tak-Jak]

Nova, I hate to say but I will have to look at this another time.
Tomorrow is my AP World History Final of 100 questions
and I need to study.

But I will take a look.
3nodding

 

[NovaKing]

Hehe. That’s not even half way through chapter one

The big words help me to avoid circumlocution XD

thanks for accepting me kirby ^_^
and its alright Tak, even the promise of input is a welcome notion ^_^



oh and I would like to remind onlookers that even feedback as simple as: "I didn't like" or anything else of that nature, is acceptable though a reason would be preferable. We cant learn if wearn’t aware of our faults after all.  

[NovaKing]

maybe its just too intimidating..hmm

Or perhaps i just dont offfer a stong enough hook...* sigh* i would really like some feed back sad  

[KirbyVictorious]

YOU.

Gain some self confidence.

more affirming title

more self-assured comments

or Kirby will poke you with ehr fluffy pink pimp stick.  

[NovaKing]

KirbyVictorious

YOU.

Gain some self confidence.

more affirming title

more self-assured comments

or Kirby will poke you with ehr fluffy pink pimp stick.

I am self confidence ^_^
but i dare not lie ^_--  

[NovaKing]

KirbyVictorious

bowtothemodthatacceptedyou, mwahahahahaYou are verrrrry talented.

Quote:

wait a minute.. you accepted me! Thank you! * bows*

 

[KirbyVictorious]

You are self confidence.

*ahem* can anyone say "flawed"?

Excuse me, this is 11:00 at night, hormonal, chocolate-starved Kirby speaking. Nice Kirby is duct-taped in the closet.

Well, duh I did.

I'm a very, very powerful mod *haughty glare*  

[NovaKing]

KirbyVictorious

You are self confidence.

*ahem* can anyone say "flawed"?

Excuse me, this is 11:00 at night, hormonal, chocolate-starved Kirby speaking. Nice Kirby is duct-taped in the closet.

Well, duh I did.

I'm a very, very powerful mod *haughty glare*

i can, and what i meant to say was: I am the very essence of self confidence. indeed self confidence flows through my every vain, promclaiming its glory at the highest volume it can emmit.

But that was a bit long so I thought the phrase: I am "self confidence" would surfice. hehe guess i was wrong.  

[KirbyVictorious]

did I mention the CHOCOLATE DEPRAVED part?

I thought so.

You talk liek you're edging around us. Grow some balls, dude!

Kirby doesn't sugar-coat ANYTHING.

(6^-^)6  

[NovaKing]

KirbyVictorious

did I mention the CHOCOLATE DEPRAVED part?

I thought so.

You talk liek you're edging around us. Grow some balls, dude!

Kirby doesn't sugar-coat ANYTHING.

(6^-^)6

grow wha?? im not edging around anyone silly, I would really like some feed back on that story i linked to. there.  

[KirbyVictorious]

that would be guy-slang.

hey, you think therefore you are, right?  

[NovaKing]

KirbyVictorious

that would be guy-slang.

hey, you think therefore you are, right?

Yes im aware of that..i just dont see how it pertains to the current discusion...

oh well ^_^

and yes i do think, there for i must be, and I have no proof other wise. ^_O
)  

[KirbyVictorious]

its relevant cuz i say so.