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RIP My Heart

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The Raining Soul

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 2:14 am

RIP my heart
It's been broken many times
And so much blood spilled
That the beating has no more rhymes

RIP My heart
Died of empty shallowness
All it needed to live
Was one last kiss

RIP My heart
I gave it to you with trust
But since you killed it
I'm full of lust

RIP My heart
It was injured so much
That in order to support it
It needed more than a crutch

RIP My heart
It was black and cold as death
So black, so cold
It couldn't let out a breath

So many hearts broken
They wanted to finally start
Beating and beating but
RIP My heart

When i thought
A thought came with a start
When i finally realized that
You had the other side of my heart

When you went away
I was so full of doubt
Wait...A whimper....Not me
But my heart that began to pout

So RIP My heart
I was sure about how you felt
But it was your fault
That my heart began to melt


Note: ....Yea i know it's kinda short...
 
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 6:27 pm
I like it no matter how short it is its good  

Emo Girlgamer


` !Oniness!

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 12:01 am
omfg thats awesome surprised heart  
PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 12:34 am
...thanks guys..  

The Raining Soul


assumingtheworst

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 8:53 am
I like it, and don't like myself. Oh well.  
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 5:16 pm
Using rhymes isn't what a poem is about.
You could make it flow better with a more stable Syllable counts, yours go from 3 to 8.
Also to use of Alliterations can be used the help the flow of the poem.
You should try to use less Abstract words and add more Concrete words.  

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