Rip My Heart and Watch Me Fly

[The Raining Soul]

I know the rhyming scheme is off, but my new friend said it was a good poem...

Rip my heart
And run like a dart
Now kill me
And wait to see
Where I will go
No, you will not borrow
My pain and sorrow
It's way too late
To investigate
How to save me now
Even if you know how
So why bother try
I'm starting to fly
Wipe your face
Don't flood this place
So rip my heart
Just let me start
My long journey there
Though I don't know where
So rip my heart
And watch me fly
Run like a dart
I'll let you cry
Rip my heart
And watch me fly
Watch me start
My long good-bye

 

[Saikiyoumi]

wow I A~D~O~R~E this poem! <333  

[The Raining Soul]

...Why, thank you...  

[[Ashes][is][Ashes]]

This...makes no sense.
It's just a bunch of similar words bunched together, there's no point to it.  

[Saikiyoumi]

[Ashes][is][Ashes]

This...makes no sense.
It's just a bunch of similar words bunched together, there's no point to it.

I found sense in it....o.O.... then again I'm a weird one.  

[blazingwinds]

hummmmm... i accually like it! ur friend was right it is good! but it seems somewhat forced. poetry is the ultimate freedom for writers. you dont have to have anything. you dont neccarilly have to fallow a rhyme scheme if it doesnt fit. it doesnt have to rhyme at all for that matter. there doesnt have to be a set rythem or structure or anything! you can do what ever you want when ever you want to. thats the true beauty of poetry and art in general. theres no rules. not even real guidelines. try rewriting it but this time jus write fragments or whatever comes to mind when you think about whatever it was that inspired your poem. the dart thing was what really gave it the forced feeling. why a dart? darts dont really run.... they speed. so lets see how that would sound.... "and speed off like a dart"...eh... yes? no?.... maybe sence the title was "rip my heart and watch me fly" you could do something about flying off like the raven or being whipped around by the wind like a torn letter. idk i cant tell you how to write your emotions down but just say whatever comes to your head then write it down. dont think about it dont second guess it- just move the pen across the paper and youll be happy with what youve done no matter what anyone else says about it.  

[The Raining Soul]

I wrote it out of freedom...Yet I suck completely so...That's probably whyu it seems like it was forced...  

[Silver Wingling]

[Ashes][is][Ashes]

This...makes no sense.
It's just a bunch of similar words bunched together, there's no point to it.

it makes perfect sense to me... I love it. Very well done.  

[The Raining Soul]

Thank you.  

[wildfiresdeath]

makes all the scence in the world biggrin
you are a good poet
good job i love it!  

[The Raining Soul]

*shrug* ....I don't know....It just came to my mind....

...I guess I'm a natural....  

[A Kiss Goodbye]

...What is the poem about? I have no idea where you're going with it, what it means, or who it's directed towards.

Also, it's an amateur move to rhyme every line. It isn't a good idea.  

[Blue_Mascara]

It seems like your trying far too hard to rhyme. It distracts from any understanding one would get out of the poem.  

[The Raining Soul]

It was just some stuff I was randomly writing...And poetry doesn't always have to rhyme, so long as it has a certain scheme.  

[A Kiss Goodbye]

You don't get it. You're trying too hard to rhyme.