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Do you like poetry? |
Yes |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
Naturally |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
Nope |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
Emotastic? |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
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Total Votes : 6 |
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:49 am
Title: Nobody
Nobody cares Because Nobody Knows Nobody really Dares Even though its right under their nose
Hate, Sorrow and Rage The elements that comprise me And yet, im just a missing page Im someone no one wants to see
I feel lost, Hurt, and Forgotten The one i thought i loved is victim to other men (distance) So my heart just sits their... Rotten When will she stab it.. WHEN?
Im just never listened to Nobody seems to care thats why nobody knew, On my head...Their be a giant tear!
So long and forgotten
--------------------------------- In the world where nobody cared
In the world where nobody cared Nobody knew, Nobody Dared!
A truth behind all lies A truth not to be found A truth with great despise and yet, the truth, Nowhere to be found
A fight for power A struggle to survive A world full of sour No way to be revived
Cooperation, not in the dictionary, No light to run No Priest to be married No such thing as holy or nun
For this lies in the world where nobody cares For a truth to be found Where Hatred comes in pairs And a lie within ever sound!
The fact of government is merely a myth! Within every soul, a terrorist exists. No god to be with But sorrow and hate in a cloud of dark mist
For the truth is true But nowhere around Maybe it's true For the truth to be found, Very, very, deep Down.
In the one place no one cares to look The deepest part of the heart As it's like the torn out page of an old dirty book and maybe this is where we start our look!
The truth of how this world was supposed to be Now we have found it, and we finally see How the world was supposed to be
A world that nobody cared. is now a new, As we have finally dared, To start to care, about our world, That is now a new!
As we are no longer, the world where nobody cared!
I have much more... but not enough room.. if you like then i will post more 4laugh
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:03 pm
Your rhythm is botched all to hell.
In the poem "Nobody", most of your lines have 4 iambs, but in the third stanza, the second line has 15 feet in it. 7.5 iambs, not good.
If I'm remembering my iambic rules properly.
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:01 pm
The first one does not flow very well. It's choppy.
The last line needs loads of work. It just doesn't fit. It also needs to be edited to spelling and grammar.
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 10:21 am
No offense, but they're pretty... bad. You rhymed "knows" with "nose".
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