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Top 10 signs you are a Christian! (laughs) Goto Page: 1 2 3 4 [>] [»|]

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Robthebob

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:45 pm
I posted this in one of my earlier myspace blogs, and I thought I might want to share it with you all for laughs. Even though it is 99.99% true, it still is VERY funny to me. Because it's true... ANYWAYS! Here ya have it...


TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN

10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian


o/ Yay for me! o/  
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:53 pm
Are you gay? Because I want to kiss you for that post. biggrin  

Theophrastus


Six Billion of Spades

Familiar Phantom

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:37 pm
I feel like I've seen these before. Regardless, they never fail to make me laugh.

...

Dammit, Theophrastus, you beat me to him. Have your way with him now, but tomorrow, he's mine.

XD  
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:40 pm
Oh I'm not afraid to thare, my thexy tiger.

whee  

Theophrastus


Tenth Speed Writer

PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:58 pm
Between this post and the terminator armor in your signature, you gain +5 internets. Enjoy.  
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 11:14 pm
Oh, #1 is soooo true. 3nodding  

Meirelle

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 12:53 am
LOL number 9 is halarious, monkey vs dirt xD very clever.

6 however is completely incorrect lol. oh yes, impregnated by a d**k less spiritual being.

regarding number 8, i dont know about other christians but i find the polytheistic beliefs of the Greeks absolutely fascinating. i LOVE Greek mythology and I hope to visit Greece someday where they built all the temples for the God they worshiped.

However the Trinity of Father Son and Holy Ghost is misconceived by most. Its confused mailny by the idea that Christianity is ruled by three seperate Gods. Not the case. The son and holy ghost are two spiritual forms of God that can be physically seen in heaven. In other words, two forms of himself that act under his will alone. Not to be confused as three seperate Gods who act on their own will.

I have a verse regarding this if anyone is interested I'll post and explain it.  
PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:31 am
If hes straight hes mine..(kidding kidding., ) I wont fight you guys for him, you both could kick my a**.


I really liked the last one, because excluding saint chaos its been true for me so far.  

Crooked_Lamb


The MoUsY spell-checker

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 6:24 am
I'm pretty sure that this has been posted in another thread, but it's still funny. Thanks for sharing!  
PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:53 am
The last one is true, sadly. Atheists/Agnostics know that we have to understand something before deciding we don't believe in it. :"3  

Covered-Up Boxers


Zambimaru

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 6:16 pm
Thats pretty funny lol Thanks for sharing.  
PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:40 pm
Those were awesome.... and so true. I now go off to send people links to that XD  

Ruminating Skeptic


Robthebob

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 10:39 pm
Theophrastus
Are you gay? Because I want to kiss you for that post. biggrin


Sorry, im not. But it is very funny regardless. mrgreen  
PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 10:42 pm
Tenth Speed Writer
Between this post and the terminator armor in your signature, you gain +5 internets. Enjoy.


Im loved! I get +5 internets of the netting of my gaianess profile. YEY FOR TEH INGRISH!

Sorry for double post though...  

Robthebob


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:04 pm
Semper Fiasco
I feel like I've seen these before. Regardless, they never fail to make me laugh.

...

Dammit, Theophrastus, you beat me to him. Have your way with him now, but tomorrow, he's mine.

XD


I get him after Semper Fiasco stare

Edit: And no, Robthebob, if you were wondering, you do not get a say in any of this...  
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