Who Are You?

[Chibito7]

I don't know if a discussion has been discussed on this topic yet, but it's something that I always go back to once I think about me, my Chinese heritage, living here in Britian... etc. I find that, having been born in England, and raised here pretty much all my life, I feel very white - or very British. I listen to English music, watch English TV and read English books. I go to English schools where the predominant race is caucasian, and I socialise with them wherever I go in my daily life. I've grown up with English, with their English culture. So when it comes down to it, I feel, well... English! But I think about it, and I don't feel right. How can I be "English" when I don't have white skin? When I don't live in an "English" family with "English" traditions? So I turn to what one of us would naturally think we are: Chinese. I ask myself, "Do I feel Chinese? Am I Chinese?" Of course I do. This is due to my heritage, my appearance; the fact I have black hair and brown eyes (plus the annoying short sightedness and hayfever), the yellow skin, the blood of my parents flowing through these veins of mine. I also speak Cantonese as well as English. I'm not ashamed of being Chinese at all, but at the same time, I don't feel completely Chinese despite the outlook of me. I go back to Hong Kong and China and I see these Chinese teenagers milling around, in Chinese shops with fellow friends, and I feel completely and totally out of place. I long for the English city centres, the mixed types of people that usually surround me. I don't feel like a Chinese teenager at all, just a foreigner. And then I feel caught between the two, torn apart by both cultures, both languages, both races. Because I am one, yet am not, and I feel one, yet I also feel the other. It's always been something I've felt... I need to express. I'm still trying to find out who, and perhaps, what, I am. Chinese or English? I feel both, to be entirely honest. Yet I still feel I don't BELONG anywhere, and this sense of loss I feel still does not go away.

I like being between two cultures in the sense my understanding and knowledge of both (plus the benefits of speaking two languages) are superior. But it's also sad to be alone. I know I'm not alone, which is why I want to see what you guys think. I haven't found a Chinese person who feels the same way yet, but I know and have read about many Western Asian people who feel the same.

So... tell me what you think? Who are you?  

[x~Jiang~x]

I'm a stupid asain whose dreams was to be the first middle school dropout
and i even fail that whee  

[draven_heart]

I understand how you feel. I'm so whitewashed its not even funny. I can't even communicate properly with my Dad, because I've lost so much Cantonese. I feel stupid whenever I go a place with a large asian community, such as Markham in Toronto. I don't even feel comfortable with the asians in my school.

Gee I wonder how I'll feel when I go to my newly built house in China.  

[chink-e]

well...if ur RELLI intrested....

im jus d average yelo bOii in lOndOn
i gO to a miXed sKl too.....bUt i feel like a yelO ChinEse Guy biggrin

mayb cos our skl has frequent and also violent "racial discussions".....but lets nt go into dat...... stare  

[` T a p i o c a `]

I actually feel more comfortable around asian people ._______.
Like in China Town or Oriental City. It doesn't make me feel like the odd one out at all =/
Well, I haven't been to China or HK yet, but I'm gurssing that I'll feel like I fit in =/

And I am alright if I'm in town with my friends, but when I'm alone in town it makes me feel like the odd one out~

I don't feel very British, even though there are very few asian's in my school, I was born and raised in the UK also. I have TVB and internet to help me feel more Chinese-y =]

Then again I sometimes don't feel like I belong anywhere China since my cantonese isn't all that good ^^;; I have to add in a few english words sometimes in my convo's with my parents X.X;;;

Oh and I have hayfever too Dx

 

[[.Mihiko-chan.]]

i'm also more comfortable around asians. what i mean by asians is Korean, Japanese, and Chinese. (:
i'm comfortable around other people too if they're my friends.

 

[t0shi0]

c***k-e

well...if ur RELLI intrested....

im jus d average yelo bOii in lOndOn
i gO to a miXed sKl too.....bUt i feel like a yelO ChinEse Guy biggrin

mayb cos our skl has frequent and also violent "racial discussions".....but lets nt go into dat...... stare

Please don't type like that.

gonk

&& Who am I?

I'm Spiderman. >D

...

Okay. I lied about that part.

I'm more Asian than Caucasian. C:

 

[Etaf Evael]

I am a Chinese, I have been in America for 5 years and still I don't fit in to the American culture. My mother and other people always say, "you are in America now, forget about what you do in China, you should get into the American culture." But no matter what, I still don't fit into the American ways. I feel the same as you do in a way that I am left out.

It doesn't matter on the outside you are a Chinese, but what matters is what's inside. Inside you are an English, then be English. You don't need to be ashamed of it.  

[[.Mihiko-chan.]]

i am who i am. xD

 

[soumakisa]

× hmm.. first of all, I'm born in Singapore... but I grew up in Australia for about 7 years... these 7 years did make quite a difference.. in the sense that I had the experience of Australian culture and lifestyle. So when I was back to Singapore.. i do feel quite different compared to the other Singaporeans..
Many Chinese Singaporeans not only know English & Mandarin, they also know other Chinese Dialects such as Hokkien, Teo Chew, Cantonese, etc. I barely know how to speak the dialects and my Mandarin isn't strong.

On the other hand, i feel im more asian because i click with asians better. if you were to put me with a bunch of Australians, non-chinese... i probably feel like the odd one and left out. i still have some asian habits where we take off our shoes before entering the house. moreover, although i do eat western food, etc, my main meals tends to be asian food.. yup yup..

Main difference, it just the feeling that you have a different experience compared to other asians that doesnt have a chance to live abroad...

 

[kt_jingle]

Like kisa, i'm singaporean. XDD
where i think caucasians are the ones who find themselves odd one out.
but i think at times there must be a balance, e.g. the cultural of where you are and your roots.
i bet it's not easy, but still.
p.s. other than being born in england, i have never step out of asia before; all the countries i travel to are within the borders of the continent- asia.
i've not experienced anything like that, but that's my opinion.

 

[Chibito7]

Well, I too feel more comfortable around fellow Chinese people. But not completely pure Chinese people. I feel best around British Born Chinese people, so... *shrug* It's confusing. I'm not ashamed of who and what I am, just confused at times, and lonely. But I am proud of being Chinese, there's no doubt about that! 4laugh It's interesting to see that most people here feel more Chinese than white, despite growing up in a white community. I sometimes feel like I'm discriminating, but at the end of the day, we can't help it, can we? confused  

[chink-e]

t0shi0

c***k-e

well...if ur RELLI intrested....

im jus d average yelo bOii in lOndOn
i gO to a miXed sKl too.....bUt i feel like a yelO ChinEse Guy biggrin

mayb cos our skl has frequent and also violent "racial discussions".....but lets nt go into dat...... stare

Please don't type like that.

gonk

&& Who am I?

I'm Spiderman. >D

...

Okay. I lied about that part.

I'm more Asian than Caucasian. C:

errr.....i'll try nt to.... confused  

[soumakisa]

× oh yeah.. another point to add... sometimes the Singaporeans think im not local and ask where do i come from? sweatdrop

they would mistaken me for being a Chinese Malaysian, Chinese Indonesian, China girl, Japanese, etc.

No idea why... confused

Aye.. and it's my own people... gonk
I mean if it's a white.. maybe I can excuse them.. since most of them can't really recognise the Asian races.. X3

lol.. so maybe in the Singaporean eyes.. I'm not that Singaporean.. sweatdrop

 

[_t 0 f u u]

x~Jiang~x

I'm a stupid asain whose dreams was to be the first middle school dropout
and i even fail that whee

duh...ur parents would kill u if u dropped out...
(especially if they're 100% asian..)