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Tags: Writing, Writer, Writer's Block, Critiques, Friends 

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Some Retribution prt.6

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Xahmen
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 9:13 pm
The pain was instantaneous, blinding in that instant of realization that I just caused physical harm to the woman who claimed ownership over me.
I had intent to kill her; and the failsafe was about to stop me in the only way that it knew how.
I dug my fingers directly into my eyes and grasped them by the optical nerves, there was agony, but I acknowledged it in the sense that a person acknowledges their fingertips; they’re there but not presently in the front of your mind. I heard and felt a POP, and then the pain was gone and my hands felt wet.

I heard Christine call out to me as I sank to my knees, she was screaming into my ear in a mixture of anger and worry.
”Are you okay, what the ******** did you do?! There’s so much blood on the floor…”

I felt her touch me on the shoulder, in that split instant of uncertainty on her part I grasped a shard of glass lying on the floor and in one swift motion I leaned forward and set her off balance and into the wall; the weight of my body driving the glass shard through her ribs and into her heart.

Again and again I rammed the shard into her, into her stomach, into her lungs, and into her throat.

“Hughh…. Uhghhh…”

She was dead.
The girl in front of me had blood on her lips, and for once it wasn’t mine.
I hated her; I couldn’t say I didn’t want to kill her.
I felt something between my toes, and I think it might have been one of my eyes.
There were so many things I had to know.

Who am I know?
Why am I not dead?
Who killed me, why did they kill me?

Why can I still see?
 
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 9:05 am
"I heard and felt a POP"

That made me laugh.. and I dont know why. Sadistic much? lol.
Really liked this one.. especially the ending when you are back in his thoughts.  

Tak-Jak
Vice Captain


KirbyVictorious

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 10:44 am
Yay sadist. *highfives Tak*

For the record, I read this first. The school computers are just crap, is all.

XD XD XD XD XD

It isn't over yet is it?  
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:28 am
Somewhere, I think he mentioned he wrote 300 some pages on this guy.

That is more then half my novel.  

Tak-Jak
Vice Captain


KirbyVictorious

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:42 am
No, on the girl. Her history. She's a cannibal or something.  
PostPosted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 10:57 pm
I hadn't seen most of these until know, and I'm glad I went roaming today, considering the fact that I came across these!

As always Zahmen, you thread your stories wonderfully. I'm not quite sure, but is there more than this that you've posted on the guild as of yet?

Also, that girl is a very violent nut case.
 

UsakoTenshi

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Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

 
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