Kissing Angels and Burning Wings

[[ In Nomine Satanas ]]

With his hair pulled back and his favorite music blasting in the background, Tyduss leaned forward and with one large inhale, snorted a solid line of cocaine nose candy off the mirror on his coffee table.

"She wanted him to know that she believed in him
And her friends all disagreed with the choice she made
She decided to risk it all on a hunch she believed in
They tried to stand in her way, in her way"

He quickly leaned back, pushing the soft leather chair until it was in the farthest reclining position possible. He let out his pent up breath and smiled with a sigh of relief. This s**t was good.

"These two star crossed souls are in the same state of mind
They’d rather follow their heart than other peoples’ lies
If you separated them, they’d never be satisfied
Death is eminent but such a sweet lullaby"

The music plays on in the background as he closes his eyes and lets the flow of the drug slide down the back of his throat. The taste is unique... both bitter and marvelous, acrid and phenomenal. Contemplating on whether or not to take a sip of the soda on the table in front of him. If he did, then the taste would leave him, and the effect wouldn't last as long. If he didn't... well the taste wasn't that great now that he thought about it.

"We won’t give them an opportunity to divide and conquer us
Let’s show the strength and passion
That connects, that connects them to us"

The razor makes a harsh squeaking noise that grates his ears as he scraped the remaining cocaine together for another line. His hands nimbly dance the razor across the mirror's surface, forming a white line, as if a miniature series of snowcapped mountains. He sets the blade down and leans back, lighting up a Djarum Black cigarette. These cigarettes were special because they were made with cloves, enhancing the flavor and potency of the nicotine sticks. Tyduss licked the filter and dipped it in the powder a couple times, making sure to suck it all up.

"If we stand together, they won’t stand a chance
If we stand together, they won’t stand a chance
If we stand together, they won’t stand a chance
If we stand together, they won’t stand a chance"


He leans back again, puffing out a small smoke ring that lazily floats up in the air. He watches it ascend for a few seconds before it collapses into some alien shape and he loses his attention. He leans forward and inhales one last time then snuffs it out in the ashtray on the table. He picks up the straw and barely puts it in his left nostril, placing his right index on his right nostril at the same time. Hunching over the mirror, he gets his last taste of the blow for the evening. Tyduss drops the straw and sits up, grinning again. He can feel his gums and teeth going numb. His attention is caught by the song drifting from his speakers across the room...


"She won’t stop and he won’t let go
They wanna elope and then grow old
They tried; they gotta fight back or die"


He thinks about that for a second as he stares up his nose through the mirror, checking to see if any of the powder had been caught and not inhaled. The music continues to play in the background.

"We will fight back or die
We will fight back or die"

"Fight back or die, hmm?" He says aloud, barely audible by anyone but himself as the next song begins to play. He glances over at the blood, the pools that covered, littered, his floor, staining his carpet with a crimson caricature of lost love... She gasps one last time... The fact that she was still alive amazed him.

Her cold, unblinking eyes went blank as the lyrics rang through his apartment, "Flames that touch the sky
Flames that reach from hell
Kissing angels and burning wings
Flames that touch the sky
Bringing the heavens down
Light a match
Burn for eternity..."

"She deserved it." He whispers, flicking his wrist so that is silver zippo snapped open. He lit another freezie, puffing out another smoke ring.

"She deserved it."  

[[ In Nomine Satanas ]]

Note to everyone who reads this:

Like most things I wrote... I didn't plan this. I just clicked on Post New Topic and started typing. Please keep that in mind while reading and responding and judge it accordingly.

Also, this isn't towards anyone in particular, just maybe a part of a story I might write one day. Might leave it like this. I don't know yet.  

[blu_sour_skittle]

It gave me goose-bumps. . . but that might just because my room is oddly cold now. . .

I like the song lyrics. Did you write them? Very nice.
You for got to start a new line with the first line of the last set of lyrics, by the way.

That's how most of my stuff is written; just sit back and type.  

[Tak-Jak]

Hmm.. I really didn't see anything that jumped out at me as a blantent mistake. It all seemed in order and flowed just right in my head, though I may come back and take another look.

The song lyrics added alot of depth for me within the story, I believe if they were any different, or just not there at all, I wouldn't have liked this as much as I did. The ending lyrics where perfect. Maybe because I fell in love with the title when I first saw it and seeing it in those lyrics was just aweinspiring to me, in a way.

Oh! Before I forget to add this, the description of the drug use was marvelous. Adding the little bit of extra detail shows an awareness of the audience. That not everyone here has done, or understands the use of drugs. Personally, I liked the added thought of using a Black Cig in line with the cocaine, and you giving it's street name "freezie", That is one of the things not many would know. Other then myself, Zahmen and a few others.

Pretty much to sum it up, this piece was engaging to my senses and thoughts. You filled detail, and the diction was amazing, all around was good to me, though again, like I said I may come back for actual editing. You shouldn't be too scared though. wink


"..staining his carpet with a crimson caricature of lost love.."

This line is to die for.

_______________________________________________________

Edit: Decided I felt like editing, but like I thought, I found practically nothing in need of changing.


His hands nimbly dance the razor across the mirror's surface, forming a white line, as if a miniature series of snowcapped mountains. (Snowcapped is one word.)


He glances over at the blood, the pools that covered, littered, his floor, staining his carpet with a crimson caricature of lost love... (Commas represent a restatement, and are more clean then hypen/dashes.)


And that is it. All I found.  

[[ In Nomine Satanas ]]

Thank you, both of you. I did not write that song, the first one is called "Running with Scissors" by Calico System. The second is by the same band but off a different album (their newest) entitled, Outside Are The Vultures, and the song is called, "Gasoline". I highly recommend listening to both.

and Tak, what would I do without you? whee  

[Tak-Jak]

Hmm, I shall look into the music.

And Satanas, you would simply breeze past your comments, without having to stop for an hour to read just one.. written by the hand of Tak-Jak! muahaha. But you ruin my fun with your pretty much perfect, yet raw from the mind stories.

I still love you though.  

[[ In Nomine Satanas ]]

My girlfriend wants me to keep track of all of them then one day publish an anthology of short stories... I'm certainly considering it. At any rate, you're comments are the most inspiring words I've ever read. heart heart heart  

[Tak-Jak]

Anthology of Short Stories.. Hmm.. She better keep you on track because I would most certainly buy it, autographed of course. wink

My words are inspired by the stories you weave, with undeniable skill. How perfect that this inspiration shall forever flow in this infinite cycle.  

[[ In Nomine Satanas ]]

Tak... you are simply awesome. And if I ever do get an anthology published, you will most certainly get an autographed copy. I promise.  

[Tak-Jak]

Honored. Just let me know when it is on the market, and when you are doing book signings.

Because I will walk up to you and just be like, could you make that out to Tak-Jak? Just to see your reaction.  

[KirbyVictorious]

Erm. sweatdrop
`````````````````````~
Crackhead Kirby: <(O.o)>|

*twitch*

...

Hugs not drugs.

Sorry for being incoherent. It was really beautiful. 'Mazin' how you know enough about that stuff to write about it. Like Tak says, it adds that enrapturing effect.

You have the prettiest writing. heart

Nice ending.  

[Tak-Jak]

Listened to Calico System, most definitly going to download.  

[[ In Nomine Satanas ]]

Tak that would be awesome. I love Calico System... they've stayed at my house before. No joke.

Kirby - well I know more than a few people who have had a much more personal experience than I, and I used that as my basis of knowledge.  

[KirbyVictorious]

Asking people is always a good idea. 3nodding

Very realistic.  

[Tak-Jak]

Same, one of my good friends used to be a dealer. Now he backed off which is always a good thing.