if i poem

[captain_gin_sama]

If i cry, will you care?
If i scream, will you listen?
If i die, will you cry?
If i love, will you ever love me?

My mind screams out and i can tell you cant hear.
I cry on the inside and yet you dont care.
I am dying and you're not crying.
I did love you and you did not care
to show it in return.  

[e x m o t i o n a l]

this is sweet, but careless.
it reads as though it were thrown down in a moment of panic.
although that is sometimes a desired effect, i wonder if something so metaphorical, and so contemplative, doesn't require some obsessive editing.  

[captain_gin_sama]

well it was written in a time of death but a confort also  

[UnknownAnimal]

i like it  

[Blue_Mascara]

I don't care for this much.

It needs editing and it's kind of typical. Too many poems have been written with that one question: Do you care? It's over done.

I just don't feel anything when I read this.  

[simpleticsoul]

a) it wasnt written at the time of death

b) it has a deeper meanin then what lays on top

c) the poem

If i cry, will you care?
If i scream, will you listen?
If i die, will you cry?
If i love, will you ever love me?

My mind screams out and i can tell you cant hear.
I cry on the inside and yet you dont care.
I am dying and you're not crying.
I did love you and you did not care
to show it in return.


is bout a lost..not a death. it tells of the pain of loosing someone and not knowing if they give a damn...


i really wrote it. he put it up...i should know wht my poem is bout