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I'm still confused. Samantha is.. is so amazing, truly, and beautiful and I love her, but I'm still so confused..
What about Chelsey? Well, what about Chelsey?
Do I love her? Did I ever, really? I suppose I didn't.. was trust ever there? For me? I can't recall there being any, but until Pam popped up I can't remember there NOT being any...
Was I just so attached that I can't let go? Maybe that's it. A strange obsession.
Am I angry? Possibly, but at WHAT? Her? The way she changed? Me?
Do I hate her? I don't know.. I say I do when I'm forcing her out of my head.. but.. is that the truth?
I did want her dead. I wanted to slash her pretty little drugged up throat and smear the blood all over the walls, I wanted to keep the body in my bed, or my closet, or maybe in a wall, or a glass coffin. LOOK! IT'S BEAUTIFUL, NO!? SEE!? DO YOU SEE IT!? THE WAY HER BLOOD DRIES AROUND HER MOUTH, IT'S A PERFECT RED FOR HER..
Do I want her dead now? No, no I suppose I don't. If she died now, I'd get nothing from it. It'd be at the hands of herself or one of her "friends", one of the "four guys who have her heart" who are the top of her "favorite things to do" list. Cause you get sloppy, you get stupid, you start putting things in your mouth.. a drink.. a pill.. the barrel of your best friend, Mr. Shotgun..
Do I want her alive? I dunno. Yeah, I suppose there's really no one I truly want dead, but do I want her in my thoughts? If I could rid myself of her forever, would I? Hell yes I would.
In a ******** heartbeat.
A [********] heartbeat.
 WiiND-UUp Z0MBiiee · Mon May 07, 2007 @ 07:14am · 0 Comments |
