No, actually - you probably didn't ask. But I'll uptade anyhow. It'll probably be boring. I guess I'm doing this more for my own records thatn anything else. sweatdrop
Recently, I've been horribly depressed and can't quite put my finger on what's up. I mean...I know that there are major contributing factors. But, all in all - things are going very well for me. I've gotten out of a majorly upsetting, unhappy, and abusive relationship. I moved into a house with Mom and Marita. A real house! With a backyard for the pups to play in and everything...I've got buddy, my baby doggy who just completely makes me happy to see every day. So...what's buggin me so much to where I'm sleeping 11-12 hours per day and can't get myself out of bed - then am still tired while I'm awake? =T
Well, first off - I'm supposed to be taking a depression pill. I always forget to do so. I even set my alarm on my phone to go off at 6am every morning and it still doesn't work all the time. ><!
Since I was with Erik, I was on Depo for nearly 3 years in total. Which means no monthly cramps for that long. Now that I'm not married - no reason for Depo, which mean's I'll have my first PMS in years. I am not looking forward to that, and I have no clue whan it'll come. I'm actually a bit nervous about it. x.x;;
I'm horribly overweight. I thought I was bad in high school? Chit - high school was glory days compared to the sorry state my body is in now. I literally gained over 100 pounds while I was with Erik. ;-;
I have no friends. I seriously don't. That is so completely pathetic. I used to have Shanny - she's into her new fiance. Exactly what happened when she met Brian. At least this time I was prepared for it...I knew her friendship would slowly but surely dissapear when she started dating Chris.
Sometimes I hang out with Dustin and Molly - but I feel like I'm bugging into thier lives. I've even thought of trying to bridge the gap between Daisy and I to make her not hate me anymore so I can maybe say Hi to Mike - and maybe even become her friend. Pshaw. Like that would happen. I pissed her off and she thinks I want him back. He is a great and awesome guy - and yeah, I used to miss the hell out of him...but I know how happy he is with Daisy. I would never in a million years try to take that away from him. Same with Dustin and Molly. They are happy, and that makes me happy. It sucks that I wasn't able to make them as happy when I was with them, but so is life. They've found the one they are supposed to be with, and I'm sure someday I will, too.
The simple fact also remains that I am only 23 years old and already divorced. What the hell kind of stupid a** do you have to be to get yourself into a situation like that? It's rediculous. He's still calling me, even though he was nice enough to tell me that he's now dating a stripper. So, if you've got such a great catch - why are you still bugging me? We're divorced for crying out loud - leave me the fuq alone already! stressed
Even though I would absolutely love to get into more anime and manga, I simply don't have time. Like I said; I sleep all fricken day. Then I work my 40-hour week, usually with a bit of overtime here and there. I come home, spend some time with Buddy, Marita, and Mom...and it's time to take a nap before work again. My days go too quickly. It really sucks.
I'd also really like to get into some type or sport. Softball, I think would be awesome to get into. But 1) I'm way too overweight. 2) My top-half of my body would prevent me from running bases. and 3) My asthma would probably kill me if I tried to do something physical like that. Not to mention, no time to do it.
I haven't even started college. I've wanted to, for a while. But, while I was with Erik, I was the one paying all the bills, so there's no way I coul dhave gone then. And now, well...I'm tired of repeating myself. But, needless to say, now is not a great time to start in on college.
I am stressing about my surgery. I am thinking about getting a breast reduction and am terrified about it. It's a pretty big surgery, there's a good chance it'll leave some horrific scars, and there's like a 4 1/2 week recovery period. I still haven't even seen the plastic surgery, and I am already nervous. I dunno what to do.
>/
I miss Omie. A lot. I know he's uber-popular, but I miss my Omie-Sama nonetheless. True, he lives completely across the country. True, I've never really met him. And true, he's always had millions of friends and me the complete opposite. But I need him more than ever now, my Omie that always let me vent to him and was never rude. My Omie that I could always hear that happiness in his voice when I talked to him on the phone...I know he loved me. I'm pretty sure he still does. I'd really like to be able to call him, but I know I'll cry like a baby, and I also know I probably won't get in touch with him with all the crap going on with his life right now. I dunno if he got to sell the house, or if he ever got revenge on his Brother. (Whether or not, karma will take care of that b*****d, though...) I don't want to dump my problems on him right now, although that's exactly what I need. Someone to dump on, as rude as that sounds. I really feel like I'm cracking...and I don't know how to stop it from happening.
On the up side, and related to Gaia, my givaway thread has been going great. I really enjoy being able to help people get letters. Some are just looking for free handouts, but some really appreciate it, and I am glad to help. Plus, I make a bit of a profit here and there, too. Which helps littel by little towards my gigantor quest of my Panda Hat. You'll be long to me someday, Mr. hat - I assure you of that.
Other than all that, I'm not sure what else to say. That's about all that's been bothering me. I know it's a lot - that's why whenever someone says How are you? or How have you been? I skip around the question as much as possible. I don't know how to answer it nowadays, because I honeslty don't know how I am. emo
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I know I won't have much time for it, I've started a journal about 15 thousand times now and only have written maybe 10 total.
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IVIandah Pandah
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Ka ppaC o smo Community Member 
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Zatsuki
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Anyways, I haven't got much that I can comfort you with (considering that I've never had PMS, but Emo Kids almost always are on 24/7 +10 Uber-Levels of Upsettiness anyway, haha) but.. About your weight problem, I had it before myself, though it's nowhere near as drastic as the gain of 100 pounds, try cutting down on food consumption? Or if you could bear the probability of becoming a Martian with green skin, go Vegetarian. razz
After you've got some of that weight lost (I'm not sure how much that'd be.. lol) Softball's an awesome way to lose more weight, if you want that. Plus it's crazy as hell fun; I know 'cause I was in the school team for it before. biggrin
I'm not too sure about this but as a Biology student, I've read that breasts are mostly fats and if you cut down some weight, they'd naturally.. shrink too? For lack of a better way to describe it. >_>"
In any case, I do hope that every new day brings better tidings for you. Feel better! *thumbs up*