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Well... as the summer rolls on, I loose more and more of myself. I don't really know anymore. I'm slowly loosing my reasons to wake up in the morning, and with that, I've gotten like little to no sleep the last 4 nights. Just because I'm afraid that I won't wake up. It's funny, least I find it funny. I hate my life, and the majority of the things that go on in it. After a while you'd think they'd get boring, but they don't for some reason I continue to do the things I do every day, sit at my computer, talk to friend, go to my friends house and play Video Games for a few hours, come home, computer, eat, computer, try and sleep....ect. And it just continues. For the normal person that would be boring, you'd have to do something else to get on with your life, but for me, it's not. Anyways, back to the whole I hate my life thing. I do, I really do. Sometimes I want to die, but the fact of dying is enough to not make you want to. It's an idiotic loop of, well me being an idiot I guess. I want to die, but I don't. And so on... I'm left with only one real thing now that keeps me from not waking up from the sleep that I do get, and I don't even really know anymore about that. It's the one thing I was always told not to try and do, but, I did it anyways. And the fact that the chance of it happening so slim is enough to make me just stop wanting it, but... I continue to want it, just so that that stupid idiotic loop of dying but not doesn't catch up and take over.
I've spent the last 4 nights, for some reason, singing Avril Lavign songs to myself, as if that would get me to sleep. And it's funny, I haven't heard a song by her in like... I think a year or so, yet, I know every single line to all of her songs, even the small voice that comes in the background while she's singing. Least thats one set of songs that somewhat make sense to me now. Just to name off some that I've been singing (Not all from her): My Happy Ending (Avril) Nobody's Home (Avril) Lonely Day (SOAD) Anything but Ordinary (Avril) Dead (MCR) Devil in a Midnight Mass (Billy Talent) Fall to Pieces (Avril) Feeling Small (Mariana's Trench) I'm a Fake (The Used) Introduction to a Broken Heart (Prozzak)
Dark Shadow Ninja2 · Tue Jul 10, 2007 @ 12:51pm · 0 Comments |
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