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Well, I’m finally 17. I should be happy, but for some reason, I feel very disappointed. Things didn’t really work out the way I wanted it to, or the way I imagined it I guess… but maybe that was because I was hoping for too much, and was far too hopeful. Either way, all that’s left right now is disappointment and depression. I know it’s a shitty way to start off being 17, but what can I do??? I guess I just feel hurt, it’s the kind of pain that starts in your stomach, and slowly tears it up from the inside, and it works its way to your chest, then you feel a burning sensation, yet at the same time, complete emptiness…

I tried, I really did, and I guess that’s why it hurts so much more… I practiced for about a week, yet I still lost to an amateur. It makes it feel like it really isn’t worth it, and I don’t know how I can improve. I thought I was going to get a present, or something special, but that wasn’t the case, I still got something, and I should be very satisfied, but for some reason, my mind says otherwise. Right now, I feel like I’ve fallen apart. All I want to do is vomit, until I have nothing left, just to get rid of the pain in my stomach and chest… It was over a month ago, but I chose not to believe it. I agreed that it was over, but somewhere deep inside me, I had a little hope, a tiny flame of hope that occasionally flickered but was still always there. Now, that flame has disappeared. It was snuffed out, and all that’s left is the darkness and the cold. I’m all alone, trapped in this invisible box of pain and suffering. I can see the exit, but for some reason, I can’t reach it. All I want to do now, is to just give it all up.

O.O that's too much depression for a birthday...lol but that was how i felt last night... anyways, i'm feeling better now, and hopefully i get gaia gifts xp

domokun domokun domokun

HBD to c.lai, f. lam, and v.liu