In the words of Little Quacker....."Why, oh why, oh why...."
Why is it, that everytime I open up to someone and tell them my real feeling about something, that it blows up in my face? And people wonder why I bottle everything....
I'm sure those of you actually reading this are wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Well let me tell you while it's still fresh in my mind and I'm still frustrated about it.
You see, this weekend my bf's *Andy* mom was planning on getting Caitlin. She wanted to pick her up friday and keep her till saturday night or sunday. Either way we have to drive to pick her up. Well some of you should already know that sunday is Mothers day. That's right, the day you pay homage to the one who gave you life AND could potentially take it away. So in honor of said day I wanted to be able to stay home, relax and not do too much of anything. So having to drive to pick up Caitlin on sunday I'm not very fond of but it wasn't looking like I had any other choice.
But I digress....We had planned on what I have already stated above. That was until 2 hrs ago when we recieved a strange phone call from his mom *Deb* stating that she was sorry if she imposed on us or made plans that we were feeling like going along with. She said we didn't have to do this at all this weekend and could do it another time. Needless to say Andy and I were baffled by the call and sat and thought for a few trying to figure out what happened. Then it hit me....I had talked to gram earlier today letting my feelings be known about this weekend and the plans that were being made.
So to figure out exactly what went wrong I called gram back and asked her if she and Deb had talked and what she said to her. Turns out that my wonderful grandmother had told Deb alot of what I told her in a private convo. So much for opening up and showing my feelings about things....She told her how I wasn't really cool with the plans that were made because I didn't want to do this or that and that Andy needed to be firm with her to explain what we did and didn't want to do and how she thought we should've planned this for another weekend blah blah blah blah blah.
Now, one can only assume that when Deb heard these things she got it in her mind that I was thinking of her as an over-bearing, pushy bullheaded person which is and isn't true. I think she can be a bit pushy at time and does seem to expect us to go along with the plans she wants to make but...I had said these type of things to gram in confidence so I thought. Now Deb knows and seems to be taking it all wrong, which would explain the odd call we got from her earlier.
I'm so tired and aggravated that when I finally get the gumption to tell people how I really feel about something/someone that it blows up and they get told about it! What the hell is that?!?!? I should be able to speak my peace without being "reamed" as it were for it or to be gotten upset with over it. It's rare that I find someone I can actualy speak my mind with and I could've swore I could do things like that with Deb an vice versa. But apparently she thinks she needs to walk on eggshells around me and I hate it. I just want to be talked to like a regular human being.
Yes, I will admit I am a very sensitive person and can get easily offended by things. It's the way I've always been. I don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse but it is what it is. It would be nice for people to know that about me and stop to think before they speak or act on something when in my presence. But I don't expect everything to be "sugar-coated" because that's almost worse.
So in the end, I'm still quite frustrated at what has happened and in finding out that I can't tell people my true feelings and the certain people can't be "real" with me....It hurts but what else is new and I guess I'll get over it right? Not like I don't have enough on my plate right now to be dealing with and worrying about. Why not add more fuel to the bon-fire as it's surpassed a small one.
Again, in the words of Little Quacker.....
"Why, oh why, oh why...."
Until next time america.....
 ~ NIHL ~ · Wed May 04, 2005 @ 04:14am · 2 Comments |
