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Today marks an important day, my dears! Want to guess? *spazzed* I cleared out my entire inbox! Every single monser message is gone! *did the giddy-glee-dance in her chair*
So yes, I'm just going to die of excitement. It means now I just have a massive work list in my guilds and forums, but I'm that much closer! This should also serve to allieviate any doubt that I'm not doing anything. Now if someone could just help me with Photoshop, then we would be having a party...
Life lately, I can't say is the best, but I'm happy! Kinda at least. My emotions always confuse me, so it's really best not to explain them. I know I am worried for friends, and I love them too! I know it's easy for others for forget I do, as I don't express it so frequently or easily, but I have a great deal of adoration for you all.
Still working in my Psych textbook on development, finished a mass organization day on my computer, and I got more packing done!
Oh, yes. On that. This is the part where you should probably stop reading, dear friends. It's the down side that I tend to ignore.
So, I'm not moving out. I'll still be ready for it the best I can, so spare stuff gets hidden in the basement in special boxes, but I can't move out. My father said he'll pay for a year of college, or at least some of it, if I stay at home and he picks the classes. I don't have too much of a choice in it either, as I'm still here and my parents have been metaphorically walling things up. My friends don't stand much of a chance of getting me out, but it was a pleasant dream while it lasted. *had to smile, as she would probably think of it from time to time*
And then the Honeymoon stage. How I love it. It's the most dangerous stage of the cycle I live in, where everything seems perfect. My mother has been so nice lately, and so perfect and helpful, that I find my more unreasonable half of my mind telling me I don't need to leave. My brother nearly snapping my neck a couple of nights ago doesn't count. Things around here have been so peaceful, and while our house is a wreck as usual, I haven't had to worry about my mother at all. It's the honeymoon stage; I know exactly what it is, and how it goes, and how it will be worse afterwards. But I find myself not caring so much...it will be over once I'm stuck here for the next year, but it's nearly how I might wish it otherwise now...
So, yes. My internal conflict continues with that. It's not my choice anymore, or more to the point never was, but I'll really miss the hope. It's a substance I normally don't deal with, and it was enlightening while it lasted, and painful now.
Other conflicts would be me versus some silly boys, thinking I have a heart. A few are starting to quit bothering me, so yay! Conflicts of me versus a friend's parental figure, keeping two well-to-do-friends apart like that. Blah. Conflicts of me being unable to help friends, and drawn into a verses situation. And my all time favorite, all-encompasing conflict! Ry versus Brin. That never goes well, and the pain of that won't ever seize.
Even after all this, I'm not bad off. I smile and giggle at things, keep my words positive when I'm thinking about it, and even walk around my neighborhood. I'm happy, in my own way, and I'll keep at this silly game called life, if only to win. I'll ignore the bruises, and the sleepless nights, and the heaviness in my chest. Though what I need to ignore most I can't; I still miss it. Something I never had, but long for dearly. Another thing that won't change, in my little bubble of a world.
I wanted to give special luff cookies to Abi, Willow, Kouryu, Clow, Court, Bris, Sashi, and Kala. You're watching, and it heartens me!
Double cream pocky to Morrow, carcer, Rec, Trixi, Recca, Takai-ra, Fuse, Buttered, Jeph, Howl, and all you others who give me that silent, and sometimes not so silent support!
I draw from all of your experiences and words to me every day!
 DarkRybrin · Sun Aug 05, 2007 @ 09:09pm · 6 Comments |
