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RFR obsessed
I'm Question Mark and I'm wondering -- are girls like me just not supposed to have close relationships with their dads? Or is stuff like that just for guys? I mean -- do dads like mine just not like having daughters; or do they just choose sons over daughters? Is it because the daughter takes the side of the wife the father divorced, or is it because both father and son are affable idiots and can therefore relate well with eachother? I just don't get it. If Josh wasn't here, would my dad love me more, or at all? If my brother was never born, would my dad still be the same person he always has been ever since Mom came and went? I understand that this father-son thing is important or whatever, don't get me wrong. But why can't there be father-daughter relationships? And if there are any, which I know there are, then why am I not allowed to have one? Is it all my fault, or is my dad more of an idiot than I've come to know him as? If I never found out about everything that happened, would I even be thinking about this right now? If I never knew about any of the things he did, would I still be as forgiving as I used to be, and as convinced that he wasn't bad, and confused as to why my mom ever divorced him? If I never knew, would I still love him? What am I saying, or writing, or typing, or whatever? Of course I would. Part of me still does. Part of me has already forgiven him and wants the other part of me to do the same. But the other part of me... doesn't want to let go. She wants to stay mad at him. She wants to get back at him. She doesn't want to forgive him and probably never will. And while it's true that he left me at home alone when I was three, and he threw my brother against the wall at some point, and he bit my mom once (what does he think they are, demons?) and he tried to kill her, and he threatened his father, and he physically hurt his mother -- shouldn't I be able to let go of all of that? I understand that she's very upset with him. Believe me, I do. But noone is perfect. And she can't accept that. She's the KX in me, and she can hold a frickin' grudge. Boy, can she hold a grudge. She's the only reason I still hate Tiuna Preston. I wish I could just get rid of her. She's so evil. ... But then again, wouldn't killing her make me no different than her? WWJD? If I was actually a good person, I would be able to accept her, wouldn't I? I guess I could do that. I know I'm no Saint. I figured that out years ago, way back when I -- um... let's not talk about that.... sweatdrop
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