OMG Elda and Freya made me cry. OMG So did Hideki. OMG I thought I was gonna die stupid Minoru. what else can I say... OMG Frikkin' Tamaki bein' all cute-ness. He rivals Hunny! I can't decide who's more... errr... fruity? Hunny or Momiji. But I love 'em both. what else what else what else I think I'm sick and it's making me miserable. I can't write or draw or create at all because I'm so dreadfully dead and disconnected from myself and everything/one around me. Guitar Hero III is teh smecks. I read five manga in one day. A whole weekend of shopping, squandered in a day. I've still got one left though thank all. I remember why I like to be a teenager sometimes but I realized it's not really my thing so I don't do it a lot. I realized solitude is my preferred life-style no matter what people try to tell me or make me do. I realized it takes more than talking to someone everyday to be friends. I realized that my "friends" aren't friends at all but only see me as someone to dump problems on and go to for a sympathetic ear or to stave off boredom but as soon as life's dandy for them and not for me, hmmm... did you hear something? I feel like Yuki and I hate all the Ayames in my world. =v.v= That's really sad when I make manga references to help illustrate my feelings. It was kinda good though. I'm a big hypocrite. I always wonder why people put things out there for the world to see but I realize it's because we all hope that someone will reach out to us and hold our hand. We hope someone drops back in the race to see if we'll make it or if we need someone to carry us for few steps. I realized I'm saying entirely too much so I'll stop typing now. I could choose to hit the delete key and erase everything I've just posted or I can hit the submit button and share a bit of my life with complete strangers. I choose to hit the submit button and I pray I receive no sympathy or kind words because I would feel guilty for pushing my thoughts and feelings on others. It's not what I do. I am me because I do not share myself with others. I only share what I have to help others not to help myself. I pray also that no one comes to me saying they too are a martyr. Yes, I know you are out there. Yes, I know you help others and feel lonely and lost inside. No, I don't want to talk about it because then you'll be like all the other Ayames and I'll hate you just like I hate them. Just like I hate myself. I know I am a good person and I know I shall be rewarded for it, but sometimes it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel I need to sit and contemplate the darkness for a while. Come and sit with me. Stare with un-seeing eyes and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. See what you are and what you have. Come and sit with me.
Belesama · Mon Nov 05, 2007 @ 01:13am · 2 Comments |