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User Comments: [4]

darkphilosopher007
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Sun Nov 11, 2007 @ 05:10pm

That sucked! just kidding, pretty good. Check out Aya dancing in my signature!!! WOOT WOOT!

The Red Kitsune
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Mon Nov 12, 2007 @ 03:58am

i like it nice attention to detail my only add is instead of halfed body...use severed

Rosas Sonrias
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Sat Apr 26, 2008 @ 06:49am

nice story 3nodding

LunamisAngelique
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Wed Apr 30, 2008 @ 12:36am

That's pretty good.
You repeated a few things a bit to much, such as "figure" in the first bit and "at the age of". Other than that, I really enjoyed the story - it was good how you went from Cernick being the seemingly main character and shifted to first person, bringing someone else into the limelight.

Reading the next part....

User Comments: [4]

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