Have you ever wanted so much to cry, after all the times you cried unwillingly, and not been able to?
Here I am, having just finished one of the most beautiful books I have ever read, and thinking of how many times I stopped reading to check and see if tears were falling yet, and listening to music sung by such a haunting voice that it stays in my head for as long as it can, and so often brings tears to my eyes, no matter what mood I may be in, and I find myself confused. How could a book so terrifyingly moving seem to have no effect on me? When you're sad, you cry right? Your body registers such feelings and reacts accordingly; or so I thought. So many times in the past I have burst into tears, after minutes of struggling to hold them back, and now, I sit, ready to accept the fact that my emotions are in a state of unbalance, and the moisture that so constantly makes my upset known refuses to slip into the spotlight?
I really shouldn't be shaken by this, should I? I don't like crying, since it exposes what I feel to the world, causing them to care. So why do I worry? Perhaps I finally got my wish. Maybe now I won't cry and attract unwanted attention.
I guess that in a few years I might be able to make something out of this discovery. A good poem, or a drawing to better depict my befuddlement. For now, though, I'll just have to get along in a state of irony and discomfiture.
Den Dristige Djevelen · Sun Dec 02, 2007 @ 01:45am · 0 Comments |