Feels like I'm running circles into the downward spiral that's my life.
Everyone says they're losing me. They don't recognize me because I don't smile, s**t like that. Why wouldn't you recognize me? I'm still the same girl from before, I do the same stuff, make the same jokes, I have the same voice, the same hair, the same /everything/, how the ******** can you be losing me?
Why do you want me to come back so bad? You never talked to me when I was around, you never made me feel better when I was hurting publicly, you never were around for me when I needed you most. What kind of friend are you, what kind of parent? Who are /you/, is what I should be asking. Because everyone around me has melted into one big grey blob. I can't see anything but that anymore.
This is probably what I deserve anyways. I cut myself off from everyone because I didn't want them to get hurt by me lashing out all the time, and now look at what's happened. I've practically put the spotlight on me when I was trying to do the opposite.
Funny how that stuff works.
I'm the only person that can help myself, that's what I believe in. Things don't get better because you talk for hours with someone who's /paid/ to listen, things don't get better when you take a pill or read a book, punch or pillow or whatever s**t they make you do these days. It's nothing if you don't help yourself along. All of that stuff is worthless. Nothing helps when you can't even help yourself.
I can help myself. I've done it so many times before, it's not even funny. I've talked to myself so many times it's like having a split personality, tried to change my behavior more times than I can count on my fingers, and I've succeeded at about 90 percent of them.
So many times I've changed to help the people around me, it's not even funny.
This is going to seem weird, but I feel like this creepy girl in this manga called Bizenghast. Her name was Ixi. She had her own "world" that spun around and around and you could be anything there. Nothing stayed the same for long. But then she got found out by Dinah and her crew. And when they tried to take off her mask, they found another...and another...and another...
It's really true. I hide myself behind masks and stereotypes because I can't remember what I really am on the inside. So I stumble like an idiot around all these words and actions to make some kind of jumble that represents what I think I should be. What I could be. What I would be, had I just left good enough alone in the first place. Then again, when have I ever done that.
Today was supposed to be a good day. Instead, it was pure s**t, like you wouldn't believe.
Maybe I'll go read a nice book or something.
Everyone says they're losing me. They don't recognize me because I don't smile, s**t like that. Why wouldn't you recognize me? I'm still the same girl from before, I do the same stuff, make the same jokes, I have the same voice, the same hair, the same /everything/, how the ******** can you be losing me?
Why do you want me to come back so bad? You never talked to me when I was around, you never made me feel better when I was hurting publicly, you never were around for me when I needed you most. What kind of friend are you, what kind of parent? Who are /you/, is what I should be asking. Because everyone around me has melted into one big grey blob. I can't see anything but that anymore.
This is probably what I deserve anyways. I cut myself off from everyone because I didn't want them to get hurt by me lashing out all the time, and now look at what's happened. I've practically put the spotlight on me when I was trying to do the opposite.
Funny how that stuff works.
I'm the only person that can help myself, that's what I believe in. Things don't get better because you talk for hours with someone who's /paid/ to listen, things don't get better when you take a pill or read a book, punch or pillow or whatever s**t they make you do these days. It's nothing if you don't help yourself along. All of that stuff is worthless. Nothing helps when you can't even help yourself.
I can help myself. I've done it so many times before, it's not even funny. I've talked to myself so many times it's like having a split personality, tried to change my behavior more times than I can count on my fingers, and I've succeeded at about 90 percent of them.
So many times I've changed to help the people around me, it's not even funny.
This is going to seem weird, but I feel like this creepy girl in this manga called Bizenghast. Her name was Ixi. She had her own "world" that spun around and around and you could be anything there. Nothing stayed the same for long. But then she got found out by Dinah and her crew. And when they tried to take off her mask, they found another...and another...and another...
It's really true. I hide myself behind masks and stereotypes because I can't remember what I really am on the inside. So I stumble like an idiot around all these words and actions to make some kind of jumble that represents what I think I should be. What I could be. What I would be, had I just left good enough alone in the first place. Then again, when have I ever done that.
Today was supposed to be a good day. Instead, it was pure s**t, like you wouldn't believe.
Maybe I'll go read a nice book or something.
