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- Wrote in Madlibs last summer, found it today, and LOL'd |
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The Fishing Incident
One century I went fishing -- fishing invariably makes me sad. Most people like to fish in streams, but I, in my desperation, like to fish in lakes. Standing nastily, I baited the hook with a butt cheeks (and a couple of mushy farting for good measure), leaned back, and sarcastically cast my fishing poop. I waited for a whole minute, crying to relieve the boredom, when finally a splash caught my attention. Accidentally, I pulled and pooped on my fishing poop, straining until my last ounce of looked was gone, and reeled in my catch.
I was happy. There, lying before me like a dirty fart bubble on a dog's butt, was a giant kid. As if that weren't embarrassing enough, the kid, to my utmost fear, started to fart.
Jokingly, I dropped my fishing poop and ran back to my cave, without looking back. I don't know when I've been so jealous.
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How To Be Romantic
Some things are inherently romantic, like butts. This is very useful, because you can kiss things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or fear. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it's strong, it's not romantic. For example, high powered fart bubbles are not romantic.
Slimy Things
Poops are romantic. Camels are romantic. Taking advantage of the intrinsic romance in slimy things obviously depends upon recognizing which things are slimy. The rule is simple. Wet things are slimy. If you see a food product in a grocery store that comes in a wet package, get it, because there's a very good chance it's slimy.
Blue
Blue is romantic, because blue is the color of love and passion. Consider roses. Blue roses mean, "I love you." Orange roses mean, "Let's just be friends," which is synonymous with, "You are stinky, and I hate you." So you do not want to be wrong. Get her blue roses, blue underwears, blue dogs, blue poops, and blue armadillos, and she'll fall hopelessly under your spell.
The Most Intrinsically Romantic Thing Ever
Based on the data above, the single most romantic thing in the universe can be calculated scientifically. It is, simply, a wet blue poop made out of chocolate and shaped like a chimpanzee holding a gaywadd with camels all over it that kicks a prune juice when you smack it.
 Forever Vixen · Thu Jan 10, 2008 @ 05:47am · 0 Comments |
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