Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Where's Canada in all of this? They have their own government and military, ya know xp

Hmmm... This sounds a lot like something I've been writing for a long time called "Blindstorm". I based mine, however, much further into the future. If you bring yours foreward by about fifty years you can say anything you like as the name of your president.

Mine is a series set in the twenty fifth, sixt and seventh century so I can say what I like. It's a bit like "nineteen eighty four" in that sense, it doesn't need to really happen for it to be taken seriously as a highly respected philosophical piece of writing.

I think you need to make your introduction longer and to do that you must talk about the geological and the political effects all across the world in more details like:
Oil fields being left and huge uneploiment at first
Huge industries of steel, cars and all that stuff falling
Survices like car ensurance, traffic police, road safety loosing everything
Industries that make bikes benefitting
Oversea travel becoming almost impossible
(Global warming should have had a little say in this)
.......

Soo... I hope that's of a help. Where are you hoping to bring your next entry?

This could be a really good story if you thought it out a little more. Just a little editing. There are a few parts that sound kind of rough when read out loud, but the story itself is fairly interesting. It also has the advantage of being completely possible in real life. Well, maybe not completely possible. I can't believe the guy could shoot the president and escape without being captured. Maybe you should give an explanation that makes that part seem more plausible. *shrug*

(If you get the time, please come check out my post in the original stories subforum. It's titled, The Third Eye (PART1). I'd really appreciate your opinion.)

I knew something was wrong with Canada ever since I saw their bacon...all lies! lol

j/k

This seems a little rushed...I mean, it tells and heads straight through, like a history lesson more so than a book.

If you're starting the actual story and introducing the main characters after this point, then trash this part and let the reader find out about all of this as the story progresses. Throw us into this world first, then tell us why it is like it is. You have style, good style, if you take us closer to the action it'll be a lot better.

This one page length could be about thirty if you explained it all, then you could turn your single novel into a trilogy by following the war. Book 1: How it starts, Book 2: The war, Book 3: The end of the war.

Anyway, good luck with this. Always good to see other aspiring novelists. = )