Will always wait forever, it seems. At least that's how I feel. Waiting. I feel that it will never come to an end, my waiting. So why do I wait? Probably becuase it's the only think I've left to do. The only thing I'm good at. So I'll wait, wait, wait. The thing is, will I know what to do when it comes time for my waiting to be anwered? Or will I blow everything apart becuase I don't know how to do anything else? Who knows. Ha.
Writing this journal always makes me feel better, though. I'm so terribly lonely at the moment. I feel like nobody is listening, no matter how loud I yell or shout. I feel like they just don't care that much. Maybe I complain too much, or maybe I say the wrong things? I wonder if when people stop listening all together, what will happen. Will I just stop trying at all, and not even make an attempt, like before? Probably. But it bothers me, complaining. Do I really do it a lot? I don't want to. I'm going to make an effort to not complain at all. That way, maybe some people won't be upset with me.
I've been thinking a lot lately. But I can't even make out what I'm thinking of. And that's the most dangerous kind of thinking. The endless kind where you can't even hear your thoughts. I feel like they're planning something behind my back, and the it'll bring me to do things that I don't want to do. Maybe I just need a good shovel to the head.
I have not one positive things that I can think about right now. The fact that the weekend is only 3 days away? Hah. More waiting. And for what? The weekends just blow by without any comfort or relief now a days. I need a hobby. And I'm sick of my game. I never want to play it again becuase I feel that it's been troublesome. But I haven't gotten to the anger "I'mma kick it and beat it until it's a million peices on the floor" stage yet. I can feel it coming. And it wouldn't be the first time. I'd erase this feeling if I could.
So this whole journal is full of complaints? I guess lots of people would see it that way. I feel like I'm about to break. I hate feeling fragile. Anytime I try to seek some kind of support I'm always turned away. My mom loves to say, "You're just a teenager. It's hormones. You'll feel better soon." It just makes me frustrated. Frustrated and lonely and sad.
Boo. :C
Now to go mope and feel bad somewhere else since I feel that I'm being ignored here.
 bittersweet93 · Wed Jan 30, 2008 @ 01:54am · 0 Comments |
