Song playing: Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys
God, this song gets me in the worst mood ever. e_e
I think it might be because Kuro's grounded and taking
a break, and I got this song from her. Damn emotional
attachments. I miss you so much Kuro. Even if you're
only gone for like, 2 and a half months. sweatdrop
Well, a shitload of stuff's been happening.
You won't even believe it.
Look at me, I'm brand ******** new. You
wouldn't be able to recognize me if you
tried, honestly. One month did me a
shitload of good. My hair got cut, I hung
around with friends more, I /didn't/ get
better grades...but it's a nice improvement.
But I wonder if this is just the beginning of
what I could really do. If I just ended up
drifting away from Gaia, away from all of
you guys and s**t. So I could be better, and
stop being so upset over the littlest things,
when I have so much to appreciate.
I have wonderful friends like the people who
are reading this. I have clothes. I'm not
starving. I have a decent education. I'm smart.
I can afford to miss a day or two of school
because I can catch up no matter what. I can
sleep without the fear of being shot. I have
so much that I don't notice, so much...
Would it really make me a better person if I
didn't have anything? I dunno. Probably.
But I need to start counting my ******** blessings
and move on with life and stop sobbing over
the smallest things. If I don't look out for myself,
who will? The world's getting worse, we can't
pretend it's getting better or not going anywhere
like some people like to do.
But that's still no reason to lock me in the house.
For the past 3 months, my parents haven't let
me out of the house to walk around or anything.
They always have to drive me. I appreciate the
fact that they're gonna cut some time out of their
supposedly busy schedules to drive me, but goddamn,
guys...
It's not like drive by shootings happen 5 times a
day in our neighborhood. Chances are, nothing's
gonna happen. I can't even walk around outside
during the DAYTIME, let alone nighttime. It's
******** lame. I just want to be a normal teenage
girl.
I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do. Next year
will be my first "official" year of high school, even
if I've been taking shitloads of advanced classes and
whatnot.
My parents pressure me to get good grades. I'm not
sure if they know they're doing it or anything, but damn,
I'm ******** tired of it. I know you guys want me to do
have a good future. I know you guys want me to grow
up happy and healthy with a good job and crap, but
you're kind of killing off whatever childhood I have here.
God, Im crying again. How lame.
Come April 29th, my 13th birthday, I'm going to change
completely, I ******** promise you. I promise. I'm going
to be a NORMAL 13 year old, who does NORMAL 13 year
old things, like hanging out with friends and panicking
over what to wear and swooning over hot guys. I'm going
to talk on the phone and shop and have my parents stop
freaking worrying about me. I'm going to get my first
boyfriend, I'm going to be pretty, I'm going to be as close
to perfectly normal as I can ******** get because this is
pretty much it.
Nothing's gonna bring me down anymore.
Like I said before...
If you don't look out for yourself, who will?
confused
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