This poem took me twelve years to write. Once I put pen to paper it was done in a measley five hours. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, but hopefully it'll finally start the healing process. After twelve years of silence, anger, hurt and self loathing I'm ready to stop being a victim. Please enjoy Good-bye Jake
Good-bye Jake It’s time to admit the scary truth Of things that happened to me Things that happened in my youth I’m ready to be set free This tale is one of truth This tale is one of woes This tale is one of shattered youth And this is how it goes… I looked up into those eyes Soft smoldering blue embers Burning brighter than sun filled skies, And oh how I remember, Those bright blue eyes And the way your smile shone The first time you touched my thighs How was I to know, your heart was a cold black stone At the time I was only five So innocent, so trusting, so naïve So young, so barley alive So easy to misconceive Your intentions of affection for me But there is so much more you see To unfold this mystery That is me Those pale blue eyes and sweet smile Growing more and more daring All the while You were staring At my bare chest You laid your hand Upon my tiny breast You bark a command And I comply As I take off my jeans I start to cry And closer to me he leans “Aww baby please don’t cry Big kids do this all the time” I just want to run and hide Out that window I long to climb But instead I go and sit by him Naked down to the skin Next thing I know the lights start to dim Now the real tears begin He pushes me back on the bed “this wont hurt I swear” Is the last thing he said My tears now falling everywhere I feel a pressure between my legs I feel his skin touch mine No, no, no I beg But the lust in his blue eyes shines To tell me he won’t cease Until he’s had his fill Not till I feel his release No soon enough he’s still He hand’s me a dollar bill And he says “now you can’t tell no one Cause if you tell it’ll ruin the thrill And baby wasn’t this fun?” I ran from his house crying I didn’t understand what I’d done I was only trying To be one Of the big kids Jake moved away soon after that And everything he did slid By unnoticed in every chat But even with him gone His rein of terror wouldn’t end I was eerily drawn To seduce a friend I gave my first hand job at five I gave my first blow job at seven What did I care I was alive I didn’t know it was wrong till I was almost eleven By then it was too late I owe it all to Jake So then was it fate John, Charles, Josh, Jordan, Nick, Rob and Nate This is the secret I’ve kept inside This is the mystery The thing I have to hide This is the key to understanding me It’s why I don’t like To be touched, hugged or kissed My memory flashed back to Jake, and it feels so alike And here I sit in the midst Of deciding what I am And what I’m forced to be Feeling so condemned I enter a not guilty plea Those blue eyes still haunt me I can almost see them now But I’m ready to be free I just cannot allow You to control me anymore No reason for my smile to be fake So I can love and love galore Good-bye Jake
The Magical Mellophone · Sat Jul 12, 2008 @ 08:39pm · 1 Comments |