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the world sucks, and i'm beginning to realize it |
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sometimes i feel as if i'm talking to myself... with journal entries anyways. whenever cari comments my journal, she just talks about her day, doesn't usually have anything to do with the journal. laura put the pictue in instead of commenting on the actual entry, and then kuri commented about the picture (though that was a mindless entry, so i don't much mind...) and i don't want to sound like i'm mad, but it just kinda gets to me. it's one of the little things that everyone has. guess that's one of mine...
i think i'll get off that subject...
for some reason, i have the oddest feeling to start a bar called RAVE... just to have some fun... i'd really like it i suppose, but that'd just add to the many places where i go... well i might make it eventually... anyways. that's actually about it... well... ok. i need something interesting to talk about... *changes title*
there, that's something that i decided i would make in class, but i forgot to.. and the fact that most of my journal entries don't get commented on, although most people's journals don't get commented... and i feel really stupid if no one comments about this, and i just put this mindless sentence into it...
anyways, onto the sucking of the world.
there's a lot of asses. there's idiots who think i'm weird, the people who think i'm gay, or think that i'll be a transvestite.... there's the type that are on gaia and post mindless crap, saying things are stupid because they aren't interested, like today when some n00b comes in and 'yawns' in every thread in GCD, sometimes REALLY annoyingly, or calls the thread boring. anyways, i hate that asses. yet there's no one i can talk to about it. i always feel like i can't talk to anyone about it. maybe if some of my irl friends actually read this, besides cari, it'd be better for me... i swear i need a psychiatrist, but i wouldn't feel right talking to some complete stranger... it's great that there's kuri, cause i can talk to her.. i really feel like i can talk to her... but i always feel like i can't talk to anyone over here... it's weird that way.. god i'm getting off the part about how the world sucks. anyways, i'm stuck in band which i don't want to be in because i hate having to lug around the damnb bassoon because it's really heavy, and i have to sit next to the tuba player, who takes up a lot of room, and i'm always cramped in somewhere, and i need like a little more room at the least, but i never get it because i'm to damn shy, but then i like it, because it can be fun at times, and i get to miss school, and some other reason that i don't know... see, i feel like if i tell that to any of my friends, they'll just laugh at me. especially deamon, who will just say something like 'sucks to be you' which i really don't want when i'm talking about something like that, i don't want to think of it as funny, i want to find a way to GET OVER IT. i don't care if it can be funny, i want to find a way to not care. laughing about it, doesn't help much. i swear i should be taking anti depressants, but nobody knows how depressed i am.. if people would feel what i feel, maybe they wouldn't be so damn... mean... to me maybe.. i wish people would just leave me alone.. sometimes.... maybe just a day, all alone, with all the things i'll want or need for that day... food, clothes, etc. i just need to vent, but it never works here, or very rarely.... i need something, but i still don't know what it is... and probably wont for a long while....
Arancia · Wed Sep 07, 2005 @ 06:06am · 4 Comments |
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