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Meditation is the key to unlocking excess anxiety |
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The thought of Zach hadn't left my mind at all that morning. He was one person that actually cared about me. After he bit me, he left me for dead and ran off into the night. Luckily, he hadn't bitten anything vital and the owner of the garage we lived in had found me before it was too late. The next day, I found out that my entire family had died in a tragic incident with the bus system. Zach came to find me, told me everything I needed to know. I didn't cry because he cried for me. Usually he was the strong one, but when he saw me in the hospital bed he broke down.
I was planning on living with him when St. Paul's had offered me to live with them and start learning there. But it was in Paris, a long way away from Nevada, USA. I was going to stay, but he died, protecting me. While dieing, he said that he was my protector. That he was only here with me until the one waiting for me came. I didn't know what he meant as the bullet wound in his chest made his lungs pump blood instead of oxygen.
I think I understand now, though, because of what has been going on. With the whole, heaven and hell thing and the world about to cave in on itself along with the entire universe. But I still loved Zach, I could see pieces of him in Louis. Louis knew something was wrong with me at lunch, so did Rachel and Eva.
Eva seemed more, glowy, I guess. Rachel did too. I didn't know why, but I was sure I would find out sooner or later.
"Cass, you don't look okay." Eva commented. Sure, I had bags under my eyes and I was prone to illness, but that was no reason to worry.
"I'm okay, just had a nightmare last night."
"You should think of doing something about your stress." Eva, she being the only one I was talking to about my stressers has been trying every method she could think of to get me to be as loose as a goose. Who came up with that anyways? "Loose as a Goose."
"I'm okay," I sighed. "A lot has been going on is all. You know that."
"True, but you should try something. Rachel and I have been taking yoga and tai chi, you should try it."
"I doubt it would help me very much."
"Come on!" She begged. "You know you need it. What with trying to help us figure out who our partners are and all."
At that point, Rachel butted in.
"Wait. . .What?" She looked so lost that it was cute. "why am I out of the loop? Its like. . .This is you guys!" She made a little cloud bubble with her fingers going around Eva and myself. "And this is me!" She then made a wall in front of her face, showing that she was obviously separated.
"Its a long story. . . "I suggested. She didn't really buy it, but she took the hook and decided to just defend Eva's view.
After awhile of the whole, "Do Yoga" zombie rant, I decided to go with it. Louis wanted to spend more time with me. But I wasn't really looking forward to any time being spent alone with him. Not that I didn't like him, it was just that, now that I knew his motives, I would rather hold off on the whole thing.
It was time for me to finish my painting anyways. At least some of it anyways. When class was over, I grabbed my canvas and went back to the cathedral. Ever since Louis found out about my little hiding spot, he has never left me alone. So I figured I would go to the cathedral, no one would know I would be here.
Setting the canvas down, and getting out my painting supplies, I started to think of the colors I would need, and how I should paint them. The light from the sun seemed to slip through the broken glass of the stained glass windows and make the room red and orange. The statue of what was supposed to be Mary Magdalene and Christ seemed to be demons, or tormented souls in Hell. It made me want to put flames in the backround of my picture and demons crawling out of the ground. But I can't paint flames very well, let alone buildings, so I figured I would stick to what I started and add nothing else.
I started with tones of grey and brown for the building. I was going for a sunrise type of look. Having the grey at the top and work it into the brown. How I hated drawing buildings and then having to paint them.
After a few hours, I stopped, took the picture, and sat down at a pew to let my arms relax. I closed my eyes, thinking of Zach. He was a person, and I didn't care that he was a wolf. I wasn't frightened after it all happened because I understood that he wasn't mad at me. He was mad at himself for forgetting what day it was. When I got to leave the hospital, he took me out on a date. We walked though the park, it was the Art fest downtown and he had promised to take me. We made it in time to hear some music before everyone had to leave. We were having a late night picnic. He kept saying that he shouldn't even be near me, that he should stay far away and protect me from afar. Then some guys tried to mug us and shot him. He was too weak to turn into a wolf, and he couldn't control himself as a wolf either. He didn't want to hurt me again. That night was horrible.
Waking up, I realized I had fallen asleep. All I did was close my eyes and think of the past, then I was out. But I felt much better about things. Maybe that was my form of meditation. Closing my eyes, and reliving the past. I guess Meditation is the key to unlocking excess anxiety.
 Beware-Mutated_Zombies · Wed Aug 20, 2008 @ 06:52am · 1 Comments |
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