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Not-so-personal thoughts and dreams.
This is simply a humorous fanfic that came into my head. (yes, its Sweeney Todd.)

Ch 1: Maybe now he'll notice me

Nellie Lovett had put up with Sweeney ignoring her for long enough. "All he ever does is brood. Well, today will change everything. Today, Sweeney Todd will finally notice me," she hoped. She tied her corset tighter than she or anyone else had ever tied anything. This, she hoped, would grab his attention.

Toby noticed right away. Not only did his mum's chest look ten times bigger than normal, but her breathing was rather shallow and her waist was skinnier. This was obviously another scheme to get that awful man Sweeney's attention. Yesterday she had tried singing and dancing ,"DONCHA WISH UR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME?" the day before she put on cherry red lipstick that made all the male customers whistle. Why did she even like that monster when she had Toby? In Toby's opinion, Mrs. Lovett was too hot for a guy like Sweeney. Heck, she was just plain hot to him!
But he didn't like that she was trying so hard.

Sweeney was in his usual brooding corner in a fetal position, singing to his razors, "speak to me, friends..."
"Breakfast, dear!" came Mrs. Lovett's annoyingly cheery voice. Sweeney noticed her breathing was a bit heavier than usual, but he didn't think about it. he had important brooding to do and she was cutting into his precious time.
"Hello? You listening to me? Well, fine. If you won't take it, I'll set it on the floor in front of you. Eat it when you want." Sweeney muttered his quiet "thanks."

As Mrs. Lovett bent over to set down a tray of bacon, eggs, sausage, and apple juice, Sweeney had a chance to see quite an impressive showing of cleavage. He didn't notice, however, and continued staring at his "friend."

"Please eat at least a little. There's bacon, eggs, sausage, and apple juice," she gasped. At the words 'apple juice' Sweeney perked up and snatched up the glass, spilling apple juice all over himself and the dusty floor. With a sad face he stared up at Mrs. Lovett.
"I'm sorry, love. That was the last of it." Sweeney's expression became one of confusion, disappointment, and sadness. Well, there's no use wasting perfectly good apple juice, he thought. The barber got on his hands and knees and began to lick every delicious drop he could find on himself and the floor.

Sweeney realized what he was doing and remembered Mrs. Lovett was still in the room. He gave her an embarrassed look. "Well, then...I'll just leave you to your business," she muttered. "Damn corset," was the last thing she could breathe out before passing out in the middle of the room.

Stupid woman. Sweeney scooped up her tiny figure and carefully carried her downstairs to the couch. After examining Mrs. Lovett thoroughly he found nothing wrong. Suddenly he remembered hearing her whispering something about her corset. With a disgusted look he rolled Nellie on her side with her back facing him. He reached for a string, his heart pounding. "I can't believe I'm actually going to do this." As he began loosening the corset, Mrs. Lovett's breathing becoming more steady. Without realizing it, he had unlaced the entire thing. "Ohhhh...s**t."

With a nervous look he began attempting to re-lace the damn thing. It was much harder than lacing his shoes.

Suddenly, who should appear but...DUN DUN DUN! Toby!

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