I wish everyone knew how to be as happy as I am.
I mean...cuz I've finally found JOY. Permanent, overflowing joy. =)
But it's not really one of those things you can explain. You just have to find it for yourself. Just like a lot of other things. That's how I know I've grown up a lot...there are countless things I suddenly realize I never really understood when I was littler, that all the adults told you but you never really believed. Now I understand it.
I wish I could just take all this overflowing happiness and spread it to all the hurting people everywhere! It sucks because all my friends are like...depressed or hurting with their problems, with struggling to find purpose or fit in or whatever, just like I used to be. And now I'm not sure how to help them because...I dunno. I don't really know what caused me to change so drastically, so suddenly.
I think my new socialness has a lot to do with it. I never had any friends that I felt like I could talk to about anything. Friends were never a big priority to me because I never understood how amazing they were.
Then sophomore year I just gained so many friends! I began to realize how socially retarded I was. XD There was turmoil for a little while, and then I began to look forward to my time with friends, to crave it, to just sit back and be myself around them.
Now school is so exciting! I look forward to every day, to see what will happen. What relationships will deepen, what new ones will appear? Over the summer, after I came home from that blissful month at my dad's, in my seclusion (I still haven't mastered the art of going out on spontaneous gatherings with friends xD ) I almost slipped back into depression because I was just...alone all the time, nothing was happening...
Then school picked it right back up again. I love life. I love me. I now feel beautiful inside and out every day...I feel like a wonderful person. I have no more doubts plaguing me all the time. I feel like a totally new person yet still exactly the same, full of confidence and...get this, I'm even starting to get more outgoing and friendly! =P
Now there are very few conflicts in my life, only two of them major, but I can deal with them. I just hope to master being friends to all I meet, to help them out of their own problems and find the joy that I have found. Especially the people I hear people talk about all the time...I find myself believing the gossip without even thinking about it and meeting that person with a bad impression. I hope to learn to get over those, to be friendly to them. It's just...being friendly can be such hard work! Especially when you're trying to help someone...that's what scares me. But with God's help I will definitely try.
Then again...having great friends can't be the key to joy. A lot of people have great friends and still aren't happy with life, don't they? Or do they just think they have great friends but haven't opened up enough to trust them or something?
Hm...that's something to ponder. :3
Or maybe does everyone have something important lacking in their life, not necessarily friends?
I don't know. Anyway. I meant this to be a line long and it turned into this, but I'm glad. ^-^
 LadyAlisyn · Thu Sep 18, 2008 @ 11:17pm · 1 Comments |
