Hi.
Today in English class we had to write a poem. About something close to our hearts or that is on our mind. The teacher (whom of which I hate with a passion) gave us those poem magnet things that go on your fridge well my poem came out dark. But it's not that it came out dark that disturbs me it's that all that was on it was death and loss and very many other darkening things. It had my greatest fear of death on there but I made it sound like (least in my ears) that it was a good way to die... That scared me, very much so. But the worst part was that my mind just went off into it's own little world and I didn't even control the words coming out of my hand and onto paper. I didn't let my teacher read it because frankly, it sounds as if I want to kill myself. Which I know is stupid because I don't but... it is probly just in my head but, it seems like part of me does want to die right now and I have no idea why. I'm starting to lose it and all my friends are noticing, but it seems harder and harder to not show it... my lostness (if that work makes any sense.) I'm honestly starting to scare myself, all that is on my mind anymore is darkness and how much I want to... well join it I guess.
But I refuse to give up that easily, I'm not just going to kill myself and that be that! Too many people are needing me right now, and I couldn't do that to them. But it seems so tempting to do it and it's all I want to do... sweatdrop I wont let myself but I'm scared that like today when I wrote my poem well that my mind will just go and I wont be able to stop it until the very end...
Well I'm stupid and it's all in my head... and I wont just up and die I know it... I hope... Anyways thanks for reading this if you do well give me your thoughts no problemo there.
~Bye~
Today in English class we had to write a poem. About something close to our hearts or that is on our mind. The teacher (whom of which I hate with a passion) gave us those poem magnet things that go on your fridge well my poem came out dark. But it's not that it came out dark that disturbs me it's that all that was on it was death and loss and very many other darkening things. It had my greatest fear of death on there but I made it sound like (least in my ears) that it was a good way to die... That scared me, very much so. But the worst part was that my mind just went off into it's own little world and I didn't even control the words coming out of my hand and onto paper. I didn't let my teacher read it because frankly, it sounds as if I want to kill myself. Which I know is stupid because I don't but... it is probly just in my head but, it seems like part of me does want to die right now and I have no idea why. I'm starting to lose it and all my friends are noticing, but it seems harder and harder to not show it... my lostness (if that work makes any sense.) I'm honestly starting to scare myself, all that is on my mind anymore is darkness and how much I want to... well join it I guess.
But I refuse to give up that easily, I'm not just going to kill myself and that be that! Too many people are needing me right now, and I couldn't do that to them. But it seems so tempting to do it and it's all I want to do... sweatdrop I wont let myself but I'm scared that like today when I wrote my poem well that my mind will just go and I wont be able to stop it until the very end...
Well I'm stupid and it's all in my head... and I wont just up and die I know it... I hope... Anyways thanks for reading this if you do well give me your thoughts no problemo there.
~Bye~
