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Thursday, October 16:

I've had a bad day. I've had a horrible week. A week of hackings and my boss making me work overtime. I've been sickly, and that's no fun, and once or twice I've even had to stand my ground and stand up to correct and admonish people even thirty years older than me. Right now, here I am, eating microwavable Thai mushroom noodles, while listening to random Nightwish songs... and you know what? I'm happy to be alive.

It dawned on me, yesterday, what makes this week so darn special. Sweetest day is coming up, right? Well, this marks a certain one year anniversary. And... this anniversary is one I'd rather forget. ...Or so I thought.

This was the time that, exactly one year ago, I ended up in the hospital for ten days.

Yes, it was that horrible time in my life that I got deathly ill from Chrons. Again. I've had two near death experiences, and that, thank god, will hopefully be the last. I can't believe it's already been one year.

I look back at my life, and I feel rather proud. Sure, I haven't had the best existence, but no one has. We're not perfect; we're human beings. I have so many flaws that I can't even keep track of them all. I'm klutzy, maybe a bit ditsy at times, but you know, I love life. I love everything about it. I wouldn't change myself, or anyone ELSE, for the world!

There are times we're faced with challenges. A family in crisis, a financially secure job gone thanks to lay offs, a loved one lost to the dismal abyss of the cruel fates... But we, as human beings, march on. That's what I find fascinating about our species. I know I can hate our kind at times (especially when the human race can always seem to sum itself up by manifesting into some cranky old customer who, upon swearing and cursing until the sky is bright blue, storms out of my store just because her credit card is declined), but there's something tender and beautiful about us. We can adapt. We can exist. We can survive.

It's the trials and tribulations that make our life harder. It's by waking up, every single day, that we're taking one more uneasy, toddler step into the ever progressing slue of our lives. We are the cogs in the wheel of destiny. It's about time we learn to live.

Ah, now, I don't mean to get meditative on you. It's just that I get like this. I was almost dead one year ago to this week. The doctors and nurses were amazed I was still alive, much alone being able to drag myself (with the help of my mother) to the examination rooms for my endoscopic procedure. I could have died.

I faced another death, so why not start living, today?

I'll wake up each day with a smile on my face. I'll face my troubles and work through them. I may cry one day, or scream the next, but I'll take my life as it comes. I'll cherish it to the ends of the Earth. I'll love all my friends, and hold dear to my boyfriend. I'll forever love my family and, with misty eyes, I'll fondly remember all who had visited me or sent out their "get well wishes" to me during that hellish affair.

As I look over at my shelf, I see that little bear dressed up as the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, and I have to smile. There are things that I loved from that time. There were wonderful memories, even though I was in so much agony, and filled with so much terror. There are some things I'll never forget.

From now on, I'm truly living.

heart Peace out, ya'll! heart