I haven't writen in a while, haven't had time. But now that I do finally have down time I figured I'd write what's on my mind.
It seems unfair, life itself. After all, people like me who could spend their whole life locked in a room thinking about the world, considering the great questions like "Who are we?" "What are we?" "Where did we come from." well, people like me, who constantly question the world and it's ways have been doing a lot of thinking. More then normal.
The first thing that always comes to my mind when I look at the big picture is the fact of the future and then, I'm struck a fear. The same primitive instict that we all carry within us. The fear of the unknown.
And then, life itself. How quickly time passes. Now, as I write, seconds tick by, seconds that I can not have back. It scares me, to think that my life is slowly ticking by, counting itself down as time ticks. It never stops, though sometimes, many times, we would like it to just pause for a moment.
I feel as if my youth is being stolen from me. The fact of the matter is, I'm not ready to grow up, I'm not ready to face the world. I can't, I won't, I'm scared. Such a childish way of looking at things, which drives my point further to home. The fact that I do have such a childish outlook on 'growing up' should say that I'm not ready yet.
I feel like as soon as I graduate from high school my life is over. After that, the dark world of uncertainty. Where nothing is ever secure, and where nothing is ever turely yours. Think about it, when we're adults, we never truely own anything! Our house belongs to the bank, some of our possessions are used for colaterial! And how do you consider something that you could loose so easily, ex: a job, secure!
You can't, there's no way. The thought of getting any older scares me, and not I'm afraid to admit it.
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