No, I'm not dead. A lot of people have been wondering why I haven't replied to PMs, comments, and the like. No, I assure you, I am not dead. Let me explain to you all what has happened in the past days, and why I haven't written any Journal entries.
WHY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN?
Alright, first up, lemme explain to you what's been going on. Life hasn't been the easiest. In fact, my social life has pretty much been drained down to the very last withered dregs in my tea cup of life. Really, there's no denying it. My job is sucking the last ounce of energy- and happiness- I have left.
I think it's time for a career change, don't you think?
I've promised myself that, if I write Journal entries, they try and stay away from the "depressing" side of life. This, folks, is why I've avoided writing. Sure, I mean I've had fantastic events in the past few weeks and such (New Years, hanging out with my friends and b/f), but really, I've been so spazzed out and insanely on the edge of a meltdown that I didn't want to bring anyone else down. I hate seeing other people sad, and that would only depress me even more. It's an endless cycle, you know?
So, the skinny of this gist is this: my brand, spanking new manager is a jackass. No, seriously. He is. The point of the matter is he's psychotic. He'll be nice to your face, but then turn around and talk about you behind your back to the other cashiers, workers, etc. For me, he absolutely despises me because I get sick easily. Why? Well, I have no immune system. At all. Chrons, my disease, has stripped me of any bodily defense. I take pills to strengthen what micro percentage of the internal defensive wall I have, but really, it doesn't work much.
What's the deal, then? Why is he bitchy over the fact I'm ill almost 24/7 (although hardly anyone- even people close to me- knows when I'm sick. I fake I'm happy and healthy pretty well)? Well, long story cut short, I got seriously sick on Christmas day. I got so sick that I couldn't keep a thing down. All I could do was hurl up my entire existence into the toilet bowl. To make matters worse, I had a horrible fever that set me into a spiraling tunnel of agony. My stomach aches felt like someone was taking a broadsword and impaling me upon it. I lost an incredible amount of weight (and strength) in a week. Yeah. This lasted a whopping 7 days. An entire week! It was that silly stomach virus going around but, since I have no immune system and a disease that loves to run rampant in my body, I got so sick that my mom was threatening to take me to the hospital.
Fun, fun! Because of this, my manager was ticked. He felt that I was weak, and was demanding that I come in to work. I did, after a few days. I could hardly walk- let alone stand- without wheezing, getting sick to my stomach and, finally, running to the bathroom to hurl. Fantastic.
That's just a small chunk of my problems with work. Let's just say he's been gone for two weeks now, but the damn gestapo general left us a schedule to be used for those two weeks he'd be gone. For me? 45 hours, each week, without a SINGLE DAY OFF.
And that, my friends, is why I haven't been on lately. Besides the job, and the depression, I'm basically loosing my mind. I'll be on, and fully active, but please! Patience! I have a lot of things to slosh through.
DIDN'T ANY GOOD THINGS HAPPEN?
Oh, sure. Plenty of good things happened over this lull between my last entry and now. I've been hanging out with Michael, going to the Yugioh tournaments. He's also helping me beat Silent Hill 2. Anyone play that game? It's fantastic. I played (and beat) it back when it was on the Playstation 1.
The game's hard, and cryptic (at best), but I can't tell you how many times I get chills seeing Pyramid Head limp towards me with that machete-butcher knife hybrid of bodily cleaving CARNAGE.
My half-sister got me into WoW-- which, to those who don't know of it, stands for World of Warcraft. Yeah. Guess what? I'm on there. Right now I'm trying to fix it; my laptop barfed up on me, and the game is having some difficulties, but when I get back on I'll let you guys know. Why? Well, in case there are any fellow WoW players out there, you can ask and I'll tell you my username. And, no. My username is not "Mandydandykid", or anything related to it. I named my Tauren after my native American Cherokee great-grandmother.
Let's just say I'm a cow. Heh, I'm a Tauren, who's gone down the path of a Druid. Think of Druid this way: we heal people, like Priests or Shamans do, but we have destructive powers just like the mages. He heal and kick a**. Oh, and I can turn into beasts. Right now I can turn into a Dire Bear. Also, I'm an herbalist and an Alchemist. Yeah. Totally badass.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR THE FUTURE?
Well, for sure, I'm staying on Gaia. My plans in the future is to really get some art going. That, and publishing this darn novel I've been working on for five years. Yeah. Five years. I think that tells me to get my arse moving.
I want a different job. I really do. That's my New Year's resolution. I can't stand this. I want something of a social life, and I want to have days off where I can heal. If I keep working, straight on through the days, without a single break really does damage to my Chrons. It runs me down, making it harder for me to get better faster when I'm sick. Also, working myself ragged brings up Chrons itself, and then I end up suffering. Work through the day, suffer at night. Brilliant...
But besides that, my future looks pretty bright. A Yuen Method healer actually dealt with me, but I'll tell you more about that later. Let's just say after pinpointing my disease, and the pain, I think got rid of most of it. I actually haven't had much pain these days, which is fantastic on my part. It's great actually waking up in the morning and being able to run, skip, jump and anything else that, generally, any normal person can do. I feel more active, and it's great. I'm able to dance again!
Yuen Method is a type of healing, like I said, but instead of medicine, the healer helps you psychically by healing you mentally. It's a strange concept, I know, but I believe in it. In order to clear yourself, you have to clear your aura of bad energy (by "swiping" wink , and you have to "complete a circle with your body". Sound familiar, all you Fullmetal Alchemist fans? Heh, thought so.
My healer, and teacher, said something weird, too. She described why I have Chrons and.. in my past... well, nah. I won't spoil it.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
So, everyone, I'm not dead. I'm going to be more active- god willing that I get a new manager, or actually some time off. I'm going bonkers here. Someone admit me to an insane asylum, stat!
Heh, just kidding. Anyway, it's a new year, right? A fresh beginning. Let's try and make this year the best ever. Let's not let this one dry up and wither before we have a little fun with it.
heart Peace out, ya'll! heart
Community Member
Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-Kill!!!!!!!!!!!!-
Hissss~!!!!!!!!!!! I'll show you ya jerk!!!!! this street goes both ways ya hypacrite!!!! you'll get yours!!!!! maybe not today but soon!!!!!!!
-huggles Wolf-
(Opens the cage and the Seraph is free)
Fly on your wings...dont keep yourself in a cage.