I was placed upon a pedestal as a child. It was a safe place with everything i needed; home, family, money, friends, food, health. all the wrong things in life seemed to work out in our favor. health and dental insurance.. i've been quite 'blessed'. as i get older though, my pedestal seems to decay with age. grandma's an acoholic. mom's overstressed and underpaid. grandpa stablilized everything. well last week, on tuesday april 6th, my pedestal lost part of its foundation. its a very weak thing now. held together by perserverence and 'strength'. i had hoped that the crack in it could be mended before it was too late.. hope is such a silly thing, you know.. its so backwards. it dangles before you and then when you think its in your grasp, something pulls it away..forever. now what is left, is the same as before, but weaker. we're trying to hold it up, but that means i have to get down and swim with the sharks of this world. i don't know if i can stay up agains the waves; no matter how strong of a swimmer i am.. the sharks are scary and too real for me now, i've been so naturalized into this paridise i live in, i'm scared to leave. its too comfortble. too secure. i think our strength can mend this patch in the pedestal, but nothing will be the same, memories are too strong. i'm going to miss my grandpa so much...
lizzzzzzzy · Sun Apr 12, 2009 @ 08:06am · 0 Comments |