I've submitted this once before, but I'll submit another one with a better looking center prince...and a story written on the whim at 2:33am and ending at around 3:15am; me being very much sleepy, yet writing nonstop.
Mind you, I'm a specialist of the theater of the absurd. I love things that are nonsensical, so trust me, if you don't understand, follow, or like what you're about to read...tough~<3
Untitled Fable of Time-Wasting Principles, Starring Three Princes
Once upon a classical-modern time, there lived three princes. One is a narcissistic jock, one is a happy-go-lucky nutcase, and the last one is a pervert with a foot fetish. The three lived in a divine castle divided into three sections, each one suiting each of their desires and tastes. The jock's room was modeled after Gold's Gym, which was complete with a swimming pool, the nutcases' room was furnished with cans of soda, Monster, Red Bull, and a mountain of crack, and the pervert's room looked like an S&M dungeon/Foot Locker combination.
One day, the nutcase prince decided that they should all get married. All three agreed (especially the third prince), so the three decided to go into town to hunt for a wife. One for either one of them, or one for the three, it didn't matter to them or to the world they lived in. Unfortunately, the town they lived in was inhabited only by effeminate homosexual men, so all the men were out of their luck, much to their chagrin. The closest town to theirs was miles away, so venturing out would prove to be fruitless.
One day, a female traveling merchant happened across the town. She looked very experienced, yet very young, with long brown hair, glasses, and a touch of lipstick. Her trade was that of computers, WiFi stations, and hand held devices, carrying numbers of laptops and such in her cases. She made stable wealth through this, but continued to travel, spreading with her electronics and cyber-space.
She entered the town and was greeted by the men with a sash and scepter. Upon hearing of her arrival, some of the townspeople notified the princes during their routine hair styling session, prompting them to send messengers to bring her to their castle.
Once she was there, the princes addressed her entrance with a bow, a smile, and a nervous-looking grimace.
"We've decided to allow one of us to wed you." Said the princes.
"But I'm already taken." Said the female merchant.
But the three princes were not going to take no for an answer. They huddled together and devised a plan in order to get her to marry one of them.
"How about this?" Said the nutcase. "If we can impress you with our charm..."
"...With our looks..." Said the jock.
"...Or our balls..." Said the pervert.
"You may wed the one that impresses you the most." They all said.
So the woman agrees to the terms and allowed the three princes five days in order to prepare for the day that they will impress her. The three princes went to their respective sides of the castle and began to prepare for their promised day, the day that they will wed. The jock forced himself to do 500 push-ups, do 250 crunches, and countless numbers of jumping jacks all while he did his nails. Through his whole workout session, he's taken so many showers and baths that his sweat began to smell of lavender thanks to the soap he used.
The nutcase took twelve cases of Monster and Red Bull and a handful of crack and went out on a holistic journey in their backyard. While there, he took the whole handful of crack in one sitting and downed a quarter of all his energy drinks and drifted off into his own mystical world, enriching himself with the wonders of the world and his imagination. His meditation only grew more intense as he drank more energy drinks.
The pervert stayed pent up in his room, reading Hustler and Playboy magazines.
The woman stayed in a resort-like estate provided by the princes. The estate was completely stocked with everything she needed and held no biases toward any of the princes. But it lacked WiFi.
The three princes came to the estate on D-day. The woman ventured out and greeted each of them.
"You may go on ahead and impress me. But remember, I am already taken by a much more charming being."
The woman sat in a chair as the three princes demonstrated each of their abilities, starting with the jock. The jock jumped in the air, doing a 540 somersault and landing on his hands and proceeded to walk around. His shirt fell toward his face, displaying his 8-pack and his pecs. He pushed himself up and landed on one knee, reaching toward the girl with a flip of his hair and wraps his sweaty arm around her, reeking of flowers. The woman giggles, but pulls away, shakes her head, and says "Next!"
The pervert went up. He played "What is Love" on his MP3 player and began moving uncomfortably close to the woman while doing his head bumps. He proceeded to coo into her ear things that if I were to write here, I would be reported. He walks back and begins to do pelvic thrusts, moving down to his hands and knees and crawls to her feet, tickling them. The woman giggles, but pulls away, shakes her head, and says "Next!"
The nutcase was up. He brought a canvas and proceeded to draw onto it some of the most magnificent art ever drawn of the Earth, the sky, and of the moon. He then set it all on fire with a match but threw some sort of dust onto it, causing the images to spawn from the ashes and drift into the sky. The nutcase runs through the images, making them all dissipate into the air. He stops midway to take a shot of Red Bull, but continues his performance, allowing the images to form once again to each other in a fantastic picture of his views of everything as he was high. The woman giggles, but pulls away, shakes her head, and says "Next!".
"There's no one left of us!" The princes said in vain. "We've all done our best, so now you must choose who impresses you the most."
"But I'm not impressed by either one of you three." Says the woman. "Either way, my love is much more impressive than the three of you combined."
"But who is it?" The princes wondered. "Who is the one that impresses you the most?"
The woman sits up, goes to her laptop, and huggles it with a smile, proclaiming...
"I love the internet."
Thank you for allowing me to waste your time with a snappy nonsensical ending~<3
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