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I decided to change what I had in here. I have fixed everything so that my RPC are in this journal feel free to look it up. I don't mind, but remember I worked hard on these characters.
Unseen Love Chapter One
Cherish groped along the wall as she made her way to the living room so that she could sit on the couch. She could feel the rough texture of the brick wall as she blinked blindly only seeing pitch black. Being blind had its disadvantages; whether you tripped over a piece of furniture, or couldn’t see who you were talking to. Cherish had been unfortunate having to watch her parents die right before her eyes; seeing such a thing caused her to lose her sight. It made her terrified to see anything ever again. To tell you the truth she was quite lucky to be alive since she had been getting something out of her parents’ closet when she heard an argument between a familiar voice and her parents. Then just as soon as she’d heard the disagreement she’d heard two gunshots. With a squeal she ran into the clothing to shield herself from the shooters vision; she’d dialed 911 but didn’t have the chance to say anything since the man walked into the closet since he’d obviously heard her.
He had begun to search the clothes a few feet away from her as she covered her mouth trying not to give herself away; by the time he nearly reached her a bang came from downstairs and police rushed into the house. Cherish had fallen to the floor shutting her eyes and holding her hands over her ears so that she wouldn’t hear him yelling out the most profanities she had ever heard. The police called her an ambulance and took her to the hospital and the next day the doctors told her that she probably wouldn’t be able to see again. One of her relatives who lived nearby picked her up and dropped her off at her house two weeks after the doctors had tried everything they could to help Cherish gain her sight back only to fail at every experiment. Her relative, she couldn’t see who but heard his voice, Cruso stayed for a few hours at the house then left her there after she told him that she’d be fine.
Now she lived alone in the huge two story house that her parents left to her in their will and even took care of two animals that belonged to the family; a Siamese cat named Crystal, for her serene blue water-like eyes; and a colorful Border collie named Gem, for her amazingly green eyes that glistened like emeralds. Put the two together and you’d get Cherish; one eye the color of water, the other the color of a lush forest, her hair a burning red; lastly her skin stood between ivory and a light tan color. She looked skinny for her age and her height but that was only because the past three weeks had been too tiring for her to eat a real meal. Besides she couldn’t cook being blind.
Cherish reached the end of the wall so she held her hands out in front of her just in case she tripped over something on the way over to the couch. “Ugh... what’s the friggin’ point to be alive if I can’t see a damn thing?” She griped as she found the couch, sat down, and began to look at things that she couldn’t see. Even after being back at the house for a week she still needed to get used to where everything sat in the house, so occasionally she would fall over a chair or stub her toe on a part of the couch. Cherish had only been lounging on the couch for a few minutes when someone knocked on the door. Probably my stupid uncle coming to check up on me, she thought standing up from the couch, “Now who would be visiting poor old me?” she asked sarcastically slowly taking a step only to trip over the coffee table that sat right in front of her. “Ooo… that’s it!! It’s open.” She yelled as she listened to the door open, close and someone approach her.
“Are you alright?” A strong male voice, that didn’t belong to her uncle, as her as he helped her up. As she gripped onto his arms she could feel the muscles that were holding her up. “Um… sorry.” He realized that he still held her when she smiled at him. He gazed at her wondering if she was really blind since she gazed straight back into his own eyes. He backed away as she balanced herself still keeping in arm’s length just in case she fell again.
“Me? Yeah I’m fine, being blind and all is no problem at all.” She answered sarcastically in the man’s direction. She wanted to see who it was that she let into her house, so without thinking she inquired, “What’s the weather like outside? You can sit anywhere.” To be able to see him it needed to be raining. She waited for his answer facing him as she heard his breathing.
“Bright and sunny, why?” he asked taking a seat on the couch, which was the closest thing to Cherish. The man couldn’t help but stare at her, she was beautiful for her young age, and even though he wasn’t much older than her he promised himself he wouldn’t think like that.
“Just wanted to see what you look like, but that’s ok.” She replied sitting on him by accident, “Jesus! I forgot that I told you to sit down. I’m so sorry.” She yelped instantly jumping up from his lap, and nearly falling on the coffee table again; she caught herself just in time flipping over the table landing on her butt. “Owie… I’m ok. I do that all the time. Jeez I need to learn to stop doing flips over things when I can’t see a thing.” She picked herself up and found the nearest seat, a lounge chair which happened to sit right in front of where she fell. She sat in the chair as the man chuckled a bit then she remembered why he had come to visit her, “So you are here to give your condolences to me.” She paused for a few seconds. “Right?”
“Well yes… and no. I’d like to teach you Brail. So that you can still read even though you are blind due to the accident.” He tried to find the right words as he scratched the back of his head nervously, although he had no reason to be that way. Cherish smiled at first at his sentence then frowned when she heard that he wanted to teach her something. “This might seem hard to believe but I think that if you are taught how to read with your hands then you could go back to school and be—”
“Be what? Normal?” She mocked him with malicious tone. “I don’t think I’ll be able to be normal ever again, unless you can give me my sight. And that itself would be a miracle. The doctors told me I’d never get it back.” She spoke sourly as she brought her knees to her chin; tears began to fall from her eyes as she remembered the traumatic event that changed her life. The man just watched her feeling really sorry for her while his gut tightened as he watched her, but that never happened before, not even with his ex-girlfriend.
“I’m truly sorry about your parents. They loved you so much—” he would’ve continued but she cut him off.
“How would you know? You probably didn’t know them.” Cherish spat back.
“I know because your mother was my college professor for teaching Brail. She spoke to me often about you when I stayed after for help. She spoke so ardently about you, and she made me promise something. Hopefully you’ll let me keep that promise to your mother.” He sighed leaning on the couch arm rest. “If it’ll make it easier for you I’ll live with you so that one I don’t have to travel and two you can stay in one spot. I can even help with the animals… if you like.” He smiled kindly wishing that she could see that he told her the truth. Her mother had made him promise that if something ever happened to her and her husband that he would take care of her only daughter; and the day he promised that he would he noticed that she had been acting oddly.
“How do I know you aren’t the killer trying to get into the normal rhythm of my life so that people around me will get used to you so that you can kill me and make it seem like an accident?” her wicked tongue got the better of her as she waved her hand at him, not taking him too seriously. She wanted someone to help her and teach her how to read, but a complete stranger was out of the question, especially if he were to live with her. “I still don’t know your name…” she looked into his eyes, seeing nothing at all, but scaring him just a bit.
“Huh. I thought you’d recognize my voice. You should remember though, I met you that day you came to class with your mother. I think you were sick the flu because you had a mask over your mouth and nose. I met you when everyone was shuffling out of the door.” He paused then spoke again. “So did a bunch of other guys though.” He said as she pictured the many faces that she saw that day three months ago, but none of them popped out; so many guys, and girls, had walked up to he and wished that she’d get better. Some of them even asked for her cell phone number to “check up” on her. Cherish sat there quietly thinking to herself, and the man saw this but a frown still creased his brow. “It’s Cain… Cain Haling”
“I’ve heard the name before. I remember it, but I can’t place a face.” She paused feeling really horrible for not remembering his face. “I’m sorry.” She faced her feet as she sat up straight holding her temples with her index and middle fingers. “So many guys that day not only wished for me to get better but also asked for my phone number…. You didn’t ask for my phone number did you?” she inquired smiling as he blushed a beet red knowing that he didn’t have to worry about her seeing that.
“No.” Cain’s answer was straight forward and that helped her sort through all of the faces that she remembered asking her out; more than half of the face she remembered vanished from her memory but there was still a number of the guys left in her head. “I thought about it but I didn’t ask.” The comment caught Cherish off guard as she covered her mouth discreetly continuing to look at the floor. The two of them couldn’t figure out how to carry on the conversation so they both shut up and sat in silence for a few seconds until Gen jumped up on the couch with Cain. “Well who’s this pretty collie?” he asked reaching out to the dog to pet her, only to stop when she dog growled viciously in return; he instantly snatched his hand away hearing Cherish shunning the dog.
“Gem you know better than to do that. Get down off the couch now.” She spoke in a low voice and Cain sat surprised when the dog listened to her.
“How did you know that she was on the couch?” he asked amazed at her, she was blind and could tell that the dog had jumped onto the sofa.
“Because the couch squeaks when she jumps onto it. My hearing has gotten better since and I could hear it very well.” She answered calmly holding her hand out as the collie walked up to her shoving her nose into it. “Sorry she’s just really protective right now. If I do decide to let you live with me and teach me then I bet she’ll get used to you. Just like I will. I guess.” She paused smiling at the dog. “God your breath reeks. I haven’t been able to brush your teeth for three weeks. Sorry babe.” She ruffled the dog’s hair as she wafted the bad smell away from her.
“I’ll trust you on that.” Cain smirked lightly watching Gem and Cherish seeing the similarities between the two. “So are you alright with me teaching you?” he asked as she returned her attention to him.
She nodded her head then added. “Under one condition though.”
“And what would that be?” he requested as he watched her stand up from the lounge chair.
“The one condition is that you won’t ever come into my room at all unless I say otherwise.” She stopped to think more, “Could you also cook the meals? And go to school with me to help me with homework?” she asked wondering if she were asking too much of him. He beamed at her audacity. “That’s not too much is it?”
“No but that’s three conditions not one, but less than I expected.” He replied as she approached him carefully and gracefully growing still as she stopped really close to him. “What do you need?” he asked. She breathed in his scent not being able to tell what is was, but knowing that it smelled completely natural; it definitely wasn’t cologne.
“I’d like to see what you look like.” She whispered calmly as he nodded his head.
“That’s fine.” He said shakily. To help her he grabbed her hands and brought them up to his face then let her do the rest. Her hands caressed his forehead, eyelids, nose, cheek bones, lips, and chin feeling them as if they belonged to her; she chuckled lightly when she stopped and put her hands at her sides.
“You blushed throughout that didn’t you?” she giggled as his blush grew to a cherry red.
“How did you know?” he asked sheepishly.
“Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t feel the heat coming from your face.” She said in matter-o-fact tone. “I have to admit you are cute but you’d be cuter if it were raining outside.” She rambled with a pink blush. They stood in silence waiting for the other to say something; he looked at her studying her one forest green eye and second ocean blue eye while she tried to think of something to break the insufferable silence, “So when will you move in if I say yes?”
“As soon as you’d like for me to, I guess.” He felt surprised at her sudden outburst, but recovered quickly as he backed away from her slightly. Though he’d only met her twice Cain felt like kissing her but that would definitely get him slapped. Besides he promised her mother that he’d take care of her and falling in love with her was not part of the criteria. “So when—”
“This weekend would be acceptable. I don’t necessarily want to go to school before then and today and today is?”
“Wednesday the 4th of September.” He grinned to himself as Cherish tried to follow him; Cain carefully grabbed her arm as he helped her out of the living room. I haven’t moved in yet or even started my job and I’m already helping the girl, he chuckled. In response Cherish stopped for a second.
“What’s so—” she’d begun to walk again when Gem shoved her way in between the two of them forcing Cherish to fall. “Owie.” She whined as he picked her up chuckling.
“Why you just keep falling for me now don’t you?” he chuckled as she gripped onto his arms for a second time; she couldn’t help but blush wildly leaning into him for support. He noticed how good she felt against him then remembered that he couldn’t let himself get carried away. Cherish felt her heart stiffen when he held her away from him. “You ok?” he asked sympathetically, feeling his gut tighten as he looked at her face.
“Yeah, fine… just a little dizzy from the fall.” she lied keeping her face down so that he wouldn’t see the blush that she felt in her cheeks, nose, and ears. “w-would you like to see the rest of the house… I mean where you’ll be staying?” she repaired her sentence when she recalled that she didn’t want him in parts of the house unless she knew about it. For an odd reason she didn’t understand, Cherish wanted Cain to stay longer knowing that he would probably leave soon. “I’d like to show you where you’ll be sleeping… if you help me up the stairs.” he let her latch onto his arm then began to walk up the stairs which sat next to the front door.
As they walked Cain could feel the rhythm of his heart speed up, but why in God’s name would it do that? How could just helping the girl get his heart racing?
“We’re in the hallway right?”
“Yes. So which way do we go, Cherish?” It felt like since they had met the only thing that went between them was question after question, even though there were answers to go with them.
“Well...” she paused looking to the right, “to the right would be my Art Studio. To the left is the master bedroom, which no one goes into, my bedroom, which is the last room, the guest bedroom/office area, which is where you will sleep; and lastly is the bathroom, which resides in between my room and your room. They are connected together.” she turned her head to the left slightly. “I don’t go into anything but my room and the bathroom, so please don’t go into any of the rooms that I stay out of unless you let me know. Ok?”
She pulled on his arm feeling for the wall as she walked down the hall to the left; though the room resided a little ways down the hall, to Cherish it felt like forever until she reached the wall that connected to the stair banister. The two of them reached the first door, their destination, the guest bedroom. Cherish pushed the door open pulling Cain into the room with her.
“I guess this is the room I’ll be staying in?” Cain inquired seeing a desk on the far side of the room, opposite of the bed. the comforter looked a little dusty to Cain, so did the desk, but that would be easy to refurbish when he moved into the room; the wooded floor shone with the setting sunlight, letting in various reds, pinks, and oranges flow into the room through the blinds.
While Cain inspected the room Cherish breathed in the smell of tobacco that sting lingered in the room; her father worked in the office so much even smoked in the office when he relaxed from the hectic life he lived. she remembered always wanting to go in to talk to him, but whenever she tried her mother would appear and pull her away into the Art studio; the Art room was more of a Clay studio, but there were paintings in the room as well that belonged to her mother along with Cherish’s ceramic bowls and little creations.
“…yes… there should be two doors. A door to the closet and one that led to the bathroom.” Cherish answered breaking from her reminiscence. “The bathroom has two door s as well. A linen closet and the door that heads to my room… so don’t—”
“Think about it? I won’t.’ he smiled as she blushed. “Thanks for the tour to my room.” he paused sighing. “I’d like to see the rest of the house, when you’re ok with me being here.” silence ensued as she turned to where he stood waiting for him to say something, anything more. “It’s close to being dark, so I should go, but I’ll see you on Saturday. Will you be fine until then?”
She didn’t know what to say, “I… I guess you’ll be seeing me but… I’ll be feeling…” she stopped turning red, nearly matching the sunset. “Ok you know what I mean… and yes I think I’ll live until you move in.” she spoke feeling embarrassed. She couldn’t believe what she just said to him; she experienced the numbing feeling in her fingers letting her know that she really felt horrified, but Cain seemed amused.
“I understand what you mean. It’s alright.”
“I’ll need your phone number so that I can call you just in case. Can you write it down and indent it so that I can tell what the numbers are?” she asked nervously as he walked over to the desk, grabbing a sheet of paper and pen. He wrote his number as she asked him to then picked it up and ambled back over to her. He grasped her hand placing the slip of paper into it. “Thank you.” she smiled.
“You’re welcome. He let go of her hand and walked out of the room then stopped. “I’ll see you Saturday for sure. Take care of yourself till then. You got it?” he sounded like her father, which made her laugh.
“What could happen in two days?” she asked grinning widely still seeing the pitch black that she had come so close to being used to. Once Cain felt satisfied with her reply he walked through the hall, down the stairs and out the door, making sure to close the door tightly behind him. She waited for his steps to fully recede until she spoke again, “he was cute.” she whispered to herself as she leaned on the doors’ threshold for a second. Sighing once she closed the guest bedroom door and groped the wall to go to her room; she kept wondering why she allowed him to live with her even though they had just met, but no matter what she thought of she couldn’t find the answer to her question.
She was going crazy and for once it was because of the accident. She knew it was because of him.

User Comments: [3] [add]
Yuliana Evelien Ray
Community Member
commentCommented on: Mon Jun 15, 2009 @ 02:12am
Long? yes, but not really..... This is just what I wrote before so just to let you know I am still working through the story... I just typed this stuff up... yeah It's romancey but there will be suspense in it so just be patient while I continue to write it.

commentCommented on: Fri Jul 03, 2009 @ 06:35am
OK. I know that a lot of what the guy above me said was harsh, but he's got some really good points. I'm majoring in English and just got done with a creative writing class. Granted, it was non-fiction, but it still covers a lot that can be used here too.

Spend some time explaining the details of the place. I know she's blind, but she can still remember a lot of what is there. Explain how frustrating and sad that is to her.

Since you're writing this as a book and not as an RP you don't need to explain everything right away. There aren't other people that are going to try to change the way you want this to go. Take time developing the character so that she ahs some substance to her. Also, take time developing him too, k? It'll do you and the story good.

I like the idea and think that this story can go far, but you need to learn to stay away from repetative writing. Don't get me wrong, some repetition is good, but not all at once. There is such a thing as too much, k?

A good way I learned to develope a place or person or memory is to go through the 5 senses. I know that sounds silly, but it really works. Go through them one by one and think of what things you can say to that. Yes, even taste. There's a taste in the air of a construction site that is very different from the taste of the air at the beach. Get my drift?

Other than that, your story is AWESOME!! No joke. I like the characters and the plot. Just DO NOT RUSH IT!! That's your big bad. Keep up the writing and keep going back to the chapters you've written and reading them. Make sure they flow together and that they still make sense to you. Give them to friends and see if they get what you're trying to do and if they're understanding it the way you want them to. If not, see where they're getting off and focus on those sections.

You're awesome, girl.

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Always willing to RP, so PLEASE pm me if you find any good ones or simply want to have a 1x1 RP.
Avi art compliments of Spiralism heart

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User Comments: [3] [add]
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