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I'm not afraid to speak my mind, and I don't care what people think about me or what they say about me. So if you have something to say to me, go tell it to someone to cares.
I don't care.
I'm So So So So Sorry T.T
I've used up all my words, but the tears keep coming. Its always teh same, Mess after mess. All stacked top fo each other. Nothing working out. Me crushing people.
I know I'm not meant to be. I'm a defect. A walking tumor. I'm not supposed to be here. But I can't die. I'm sorry. I can't. I'm scared. I'm too scared. I'm so sorry. To everyone. i'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry crying crying

The only thing tha has EVER worked out in my life was when I went out with Avery, months ago!! And that ended up being ******** too, becuz he payed more attention to Aura and I found out and and T.T Everything, everything, EVERYTHING always gets messed up and people turn on me! And people wonder why I have three REAL TRUE friggin friends left! I have a bunch more, but they’ll never fully know or understand me! I can’t trust them, can’t date them, and can’t tell them the truth about ******** anything Dx And everythign always works out so PERFECTLY for everyone else, and I help them and are happy an djoyful for them and I always help them out but I’m always, every ******** second of the day, I hold a HUGE amount of jealousy in the back of my black heart for how perfectly everything is for everyone. And I sa I don’t care, but when I actually get to the point I say I don’t care about, I really do! I do, I DO care about more than I say I do. I try and try to tell the truth and keep things clean, btu people just ENJOY ruining things for me! I don’t need ******** on my! The thing I strugg;e with most is relationships, becuz I want a REAL one so ******** badly, but no guy or girl would ever ever want me! I don’t have the looks, personality, etc., AND I have all kinds of ******** drama all the time! You know how much I cry at night, when no one’s around, when no one’s awake, when no one can see? Its like I’m a DEFECT of this world. A DEFECT. A tumor attatched to the world. I’m not supposed tp be here, but I just won’t let go. Maybe its time, maybe I should. But I can’t. I’m SCARED.

Community Member
  • [07/06/09 04:15am]
  • [07/04/09 04:28am]
  • [07/03/09 06:57pm]
  • [06/30/09 08:33pm]
  • [06/30/09 04:29am]
  • [06/29/09 07:11pm]
  • [06/24/09 11:27pm]
  • [06/24/09 04:55am]
  • [06/19/09 12:32am]
  • [06/18/09 10:52pm]

  • User Comments: [5]
    Community Member

    Tue Jun 30, 2009 @ 04:02pm

    Don't say your sorry! What the ******** do you have to be sorry for?! Don't say things bad about yourself! Theres nothing wrong with you! N-O-T-H-I-N-G Wrong with you.
    You can trust me, no matter what... I wish I could take allyour pain away... Im sorry that theres nothing I can do, except what im doing now...

    Community Member

    Tue Jun 30, 2009 @ 04:15pm

    Crap it, i read this and now im crying a lil. Heh im so emotional sometimes.
    Ahem anyway... I wish i could help you with your struggle in life Payne. Im doing all that i can. Im trying my best to be there for you and be a great friend for you and i -try- to make you happy, im just bad at it.
    And youre only 14, if you want a relationship so bad you shall find one im sure. High school is a good opportunity. You dont realize how pretty you really are but others do so looks isnt a problem for you xD and your personality. well you just need to find the people who like it and deal with it like i do xDD
    And i think youre supposed to be here. I dunno if you realize but if i hadnt met you then i might of really killed myself a while ago o.o but i havent because i dont wanna leave you alone and you make me not alone on this freakin world and we work together in this life and yeah....
    Dont let go please.

    Community Member

    Tue Jun 30, 2009 @ 04:23pm

    ok wow now i feel like its my ******** fault crying stupid avery im sorry he paid more attention to me he shouldnt have im so sorry i should have ignored him more and maybe you wouldnt be this sad. GAh i hate myself hate hate hate crying crying why must i ruin ppls frikin lives i should go away payne not you! im probably ruining ryans life to he wont admit it though crying I dont care if you secretly hate me or anyshit like that im so sorry so so so sorry )):

    dont deny da dino
    User Image
    You know he's da sex

    User Image
    Community Member

    Tue Jun 30, 2009 @ 08:08pm

    No, I don't hate you Marissy Dx I hate myself, and its not your fault!! Its Avery's for not talking to me! Its my fault for liking him! My fault, my fault, my fault. MY fault, bitches, mine. I'd laugh but I'm not in the mood...:/

    Death is the greatest form of love.
    User Image
    Community Member

    Tue Jun 30, 2009 @ 10:30pm

    Not. Your. Fault. How can it possibly be your fault? You can't help your feelings. And DANG! That's so freaking deep. A tumor attached to the world...Something misplaced...I can assure you you're not like that at all. A tumor usually brings something down to its death. With someone as talented and funny and pretty as you, there's no way you're a tumor. You make the world rise. That's just the way you are. And relationships are hard. They always will be. You can't just find one out of the blue. It takes time in the same way it takes time for a wound to heal. I'm not going to lie and say I know how you're feeling because I don't, but I want to know. You shouldn't have to suffer alone. That's why you have those three friends. You have a lot of others, too. There are a lot of people willing to share your pain and take that suffering off your shoulders. I'm here for you, and I'm willing to do just that. You shouldn't have to decide when you'll die. If you're scared to do anything of the sort, then you shouldn't even attempt to ponder it. If the thought causes fear, then it's not a thought worthy to put into action. That thought just causes you more suffering...and I'm sure that's the last thing you want. No one wants to suffer. Don't make yourself suffer. You can guide your way out of this. I'm here for you, and so is everyone else. You're gonna find someone someday. I promise.

    User Comments: [5]
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