Another foolish, f-ed up story I created on my old account. Please enjoy the insanity:

When The Evil Turkey Attacked-A VERY Random Story

I was out in the backyard kicking a soccer ball around. It was 7:30 PM on a Friday, and my parents and older brother, Jim, were out at Jim's baseball game that I begged to get out of. All of a sudden, i heard this horrifying gobble come out of the woods in the backyard. Then, out of the forest, came a huge turkey hurdling toward me! I screamed as i flew out of it's way, and the turkey crashed into the tool shed. I stayed there on the ground until i heard the vroom of a chainsaw, and the turkey came at me with my Daddy's chainsaw. I screamed and ran into the house and the turkey followed. I ran into the living room with the turkey right behind me. I stumbled on Jim's Playboy magazine and the turkey was able to take off my index finger. I cried as the turkey let out a gobble of truimph. i ran into my room as the turkey tried to then go for my head. I dialed 9-1-1 as quickly as possible.
"Hello officer," I said, not very omtipstic of the chances of the officer believeing me,"There is a friggen' evil turkey trying to kill me!....I KNOW it sounds crazy....No, it's no joke!.....AND I WILL NOT BE NEEDING YOUR REHAB SERVICES!"
I slammed the phone down on the reciever and heard the chainsaw's vroom and the gobble of the evil turkey get louder. I screamed as I saw the blade of the chainsaw come through the door.
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU D*** TURKEY!!!" I shouted.
I then heard the turkey's little feet pad away. I went over to the window and saw the turkey go into the woods. i waited for 20 minutes and the turkey never returned. I caustiously went out into the hall and into the living room and saw my index finger lying on the floor. I picked it up and slid it into my pocket because my parents would not be too happy of the sight of my bloody index finger lying about on the floor upon their arrival. My parents and Jim walked in a couple minutes later and told me about how Jim won the game.
"Yeah," Jim was gloating, "Making me captain was the best thing that happened to those turkies."
I flinked at the word turkies. My parenst went into the kitchen and Jim went into his room and turned his radio on to his fav song "Gotta have that turkey." I then heard my mom tell me dad to put the turkey in the oven. With all the turkey talk, i went out into the backyard and saw the turkey standing there. I screamed, but then the turkey said, "SHHHHHH!"
I stopped screaming and exclaimed, "You can TALK!?"
"Yeah," the turkey replied."I'm sorry for trying to kill ya. You see, it was all part of a cermony of which i turn into a man turkey."
"So u tried to kill me to beome a MAN?!?" I screamed at the poultry.
'What is this, twenty questions or something?" the turkey asked,"Well, I'm sorry anyway..."
And with that he left...I hated turkies from that day on...And i always will...Gobble...