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So I had a dream about Sean last night. I woke up crying. I still feel so sorry for him... Lately I've been thinking about that day so long ago when we played house. Well that is exactly what the dream was about. It was that day and we were playing house, only I knew I was gay. I saw Sean. God, he was so innocent and happy... We were having so much fun, and then my heart sank as I saw the three men climb the stairs. Sean didn't know any better, and when I was younger I didn't either, but this time, I wasn't a kid. I was physically, but mentally I had all my memories that I have now. After they said we couldn't play, Sean just shrugged and asked if I wanted to play a board game instead. I cried...
I thought about my dollhouse too. I can't believe I forgot to mention it earlier. My uncle made all us girl cousins in the family their own dollhouses. At first I loved my dollhouse, but soon I grew to resent it. I was a prim princess as a baby, but grew into a tomboy, and when I got my pink dollhouse that stood 3ft., I was overjoyed! Not because I had a dollhouse, but because I never saw my Uncle because he was always on the move, and now I had something to remember him by when he was gone. I remember keeping my dollhouse in my bedroom, but never playing with it. My family used to joke around saying, "What, is a dollhouse too girly for you?" And I remember thinking, no it's not, I just don't want to play with it. It felt weird. I never really understood why girls loved them so much. I mean, yeah, I had my share of playing with dolls, but when I say play, I mean pretending a girl was always captured by an evil villain, and Amy (a sailor moon doll) had to save her. I didn't know it then, but now I feel like I was acting out my feelings. I didn't even know it! I remember thinking to myself, oh it's because the Ken doll is too ugly...yeah...ok....
So life went on, and the only time I ever played with my dollhouse is when my cousin came over. She loved my dollhouse because it was mostly pink. Her's was white with pink siding. Mine was pink with white siding. Soon the day came when I would be rid of my dollhouse. It began falling apart, and so did my feelings for it. Right before we would throw it away, Sean and his family came into town to visit. I never had played in my dollhouse so long before. Sean was overjoyed, and together we stayed in my room, alone, all night, playing with my pink dollhouse that was slowly falling apart...