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Chapter The 17th *Just a guess |
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(Aaaaaand, Time jump to the end)
Behind me stood the manor, my jail, my safe haven, my...I had lost the ability to find an exact name for it somewhere in the seventeen years where it become my home. I could not look at it just now. The end was near and I knew it, yet how could I say goodbye?
Instead I retreated to one of my favorite spots on all of the Wellington's land: the grand oak on the cliff. With the manor to my back and the ocean to my face, I watched the sun set as a gentle breeze ruffled my loose curls. Would the ocean in Bath look as grand as the ocean here? Somehow, I doubted it, though it would be the same ocean.
Somewhere in my mind, a voice arose. 'Stay!' it cried. 'Stay forever in this place of familiarity, of memories, of...of what? Servitude?
I grasped onto a branch above me so that I could lean my head against my arm before closing my eyes. Letting out a huge sigh, I allowed my mind to explore the few options that could be laid before me.
To leave. I would go away with Uncle Ferris and Edmund would become but a memory, a sigh of what had once been. I could carry on with my life as a lady of wealth and fashion. New doors that have always been closed would now open. Galas, balls, dinners, all the grandness I had dreamed of as a child. No longer Cinderella, but Ella of the ball.
To stay. I would see Edmund married off. To stay would mean seeing every day what I long for, yet cannot have- what I dream of lived by others. And what would my place be? Where would I fit in now? I am no longer Cinderella, the servant, and that is not a position I could return to. Who ever heard of a lady of wealth sweeping the hearth and cooking stew for her desired lover and his wife? No, it just didn't happen. It would be impossible to stay.
The wind tickled my face as it blew wisps of hair around. How hard I prayed for time to stand still, to just freeze in that moment! A moment where I was neither the lowly servant nor the new debutant.
"Your uncle is ready for you."
Startled at the sound of a voice I had not heard approaching, I gasped and jolted upright. Turning away from the blinding rays of the sun, now beginning to sink below the ocean's distant line, I found myself face to face with Edmund. His eyes were squinted to block out the sunlight that made him appear as an angel from some other worldly place.
"Oh," was all I managed to say. I did not know how long I had been standing there, or indeed how long he had been there! I had not even noticed his arrival before he spoke. "I suppose this is goodbye then."
"Yes," he said, but I swear I sensed a hint of disappointment.
"Well goodbye then," I said, steeling myself for the end. What other choice did I have. I reached out my hand to shake his and he took it. "Thank you for everything you have done over the years," I said, as I halted the shaking. Yet our hands stayed fastened. I looked down at our hands, slightly confused, before looking into his eyes.
"It was never a problem to help you. I hope you know you will always be welcome here," he said, still holding onto my hand, but gently. If I pulled, I could break it loose, yet I could not find the will to pull it away.
"I do," I said softly, though inside I had my doubts.
Finally he let my hand drop. For a moment neither Edmund nor I moved. Was this really so awkward or was I making believe that it was so? Was there something being left unsaid? If it was, it would have to remain so. In the far distance, I could see the silhouette of my uncle waiting for us and leaning heavily on his cane. I am sure that standing all day seeing to the direction of my moving out had not eased the pain in his leg at all.
"I must go. They are waiting for me," I said and moved to walk past him.
"Millie, wait!" he said and grabbed my arm.
I turned to him, confused and curious. "Yes?" I asked, my voice coming out more breathless and urgent than I had intended.
"Stay here Millie."
"I can't. Where would my place be?"
"By my side," he said and knelt down. I gasped and whispered the word 'stop', or perhaps I just imagined that I had. Either way, he did not stop. "Marry me Millie. Stay here with me and marry me."
Anne Onymous · Wed Oct 07, 2009 @ 01:18am · 0 Comments |
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