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pretty amechure...about my [2nd] cousin
***
i said i hate you
i lied to everyone
to myself
dee down
i love you
i bury that feeling w/
rage, hate pain
confusing thoughts, feelings
for you
all jumbled up in my head
i straighten them w/a razor
a beaded red line
on my wrists
for you

the emptyness i feel
is all too much
it's so confusing
blocking out my love
leads to my numbness

your smiling face
smiling at me
confuse me
my true feelings
rise up from deep w/in me
i love you
i hate it
so confusing and wrong

you flirt w/ her
thats 15 more beaded lines
bury the emotional pain
your desire for
someone else brings
i hate you

the pain
and anger
over you
i hate living w/ this feeling
i'd rather be dead
when will this s**t end

from the moment i 1st saw you
i told myself not to love you
i tried
you were so friendly
you
my family
i wanted to get over you
your kindness sucked me in
i pushed you away
you stopped trying
i wish i hadn't
10 years later

i still love you
i saw you today
w/ your beautiful wife and
adorable kid
letting the blood drip own
taking away
the pain
i pushed you away
"what have i done?"