Well, yesterday I got kicked out of the place where I was living agian. some terrribly ridiculous reason, at that. So now It's for sure I'm off to this shelter in Riverside. I HATE living like this!!! No 16 year old should have to go through this freaking ordeal!!! But I'm trying to keep my faith that God will provide...I'm very skeptical though. I believe there IS a God...but...I don't know....just gotta keep believeing things will work out in the end, I guess. I know they will...but being a natural-bourne pessimistic kinda gets in the way sometimes. XD Plus I also found out that one of my friends might have commited suicide. :'[
-Update- FRIEND HAS NOT COMMITED SUICIDE!! Damn mother LIED about her own son's death!! b***h!!!
Well!! Things have gotten better, but right when they start to look up, something has to crush me!! I finally got my house about last month!! No longer living at a shelter!! ^.^ *does a little dance* But, when things start to look up, like I said, something comes into my happiness and tears it up!! Boyfriend broke up with me. Yeah, yeah, sounds pretty petty and unimportant compared to the blessings in my life. Blah blah ******** Blah. He was a wonderful friend, but things got awkward, because of the distance, and apparently I'm not mature enough for him, and all this other s**t. I guess I'll never be mature enough for him. But I don't see how? We're only a year and 5 months apart, and I act older than my age most of the time, because I feel that I HAVE to. I don't know who I am any more!! What the hell is going ON!!?! He was my first love, and I know people say it never lasts, but this lasted over 7 months, and that's pretty good for a first-timer. I'm tired of pitying myself, and mad at myself because I made people pity me, even though I claim to hate it. I realize that now(hell I've always realized it. I guess I am a good actor -_-) I Toy with people, and I loath myself for it! >.< I'm becoming a typical teenage girl. Gawd-dammit! Now all we do is fight, even though we both PROMISED eachother we would still be the best of friends! Lies!! All lies!! I'm drifting apart from everyone, and now I'm tempted to just let it happen. He told me that emotions aren't important. That they're there one moment, and then ~poof~ just gone. Well, if emotions aren't important, how do you explain what we felt? Love is an emotion. Is he saying that what we had was unimportant? Just a phase? I guess it was. But emotions ARE important. Without them, how are we to ever understand eachother. What makes us happy? Makes us sad, angry, distressed?! I put so much emphasis into emotions because I care, and I want to make said people in this world comfortable, happy, make them want to live. If it wasn't for emotions, what's the point of living, if we can't enjoy things? We'd be zombies, just going through life without anything pulling us to strive for more. We want to aspire to do great things, no? Well how we FEEL about certain things gets us to our goals. Emotions are part of our instincts. People can turn them off, but eventually it tears that person up. Even then, they still feels things, so in reality, you can NEVER turn your emotions off. Always feeling things. *sigh* So troublesome, and annoying. I can't even stand to be around certain people right now, let alone hear their voice! Finishing this rant at 2:32 p.m. on July 4, 2010. Happy ******** Independence Day!! Woo. -_- mrgreen
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