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World Of White And Gray
Ever get a feeling of sudden sadness, that you feel like you're going to fall into a deeper hole than you were in before? Like the world was crashing over you once more, that all you do is wrong, all you say comes out the wrong way; or everything you see is white and gray?
My world use to be like this, my world was full of demons, full of ash and darkness. Everything was wrong. I lost my sister, I lost mother; I even lost my father many years before this! But he came back; he came back as a different man, a better father; and friend.
Life is strange, it makes things so difficult on you; that you take the wrong road, the wrong path... Luckily for me, I had someone there I had my pack, and my two best friends, whom soon became more than friends.
One a Mother, the other like a father. Jina & Stephen, they became my life, they brought color back into my life, no more white and gray. but shades of blue purple, and red.
Soon my father got a girl friend. "Margot" was her name, she was pretty, she reminded me of my mother I had lost. Soon though, I started to grow distant aging, well of course it was her fault... Well that's what I let my mind think, You see if you love someone so much, and they are taken away from you by someone who seems, better at giving love than you can.. It hurts.. it hurts allot.
"I'm going over to Margot's house.. will you be ok alone?" Those words were asked a lot. I think a little too much. Soon I fell back into the world of white and gray, but some days I felt like it had color, of course with Stephan and Jina there it helped. But I need him.. I needed the man whom left me when I was 7.. alone crying in the rain. I needed him more than before, I needed.. I needed my father.
Soon he noticed. He noticed it was hurting me, it did, it did hurt me. So he stopped going with her so much, but in my heart I felt guilt.. a lot of it too.. He loves her... Why do I have to keep that from him? So.. I acted as if I missed him going out with her, and soon he was back to his old habits.
I mean it wasn't that bad, I get him alone when he gets home, it's not like she lived with us! But that soon changed, the night he asked me if I wouldn't mind her moving in with us, That.. was like a niddle to my heart. A cold sliver needle.. right threw my heart.
I cried that night, I wanted to three way Stephen and Jina, but.. I was afraid, of bothering them, or worse making them cry. So I stayed in the dark, that night I had dreams, of more gray skies, and more white suns.
Soon she moved in with us, she had a lot of rules... she would yell, and she would make me wanna cry, she would make me wanna die, she would make me wanna run away and never turn back. "I HATE HER." I remember my mom saying that, when I would tell her of the things she said, yes I felt bad, but I was the victim wasn't I?
Soon I found out I wasn't, soon I opened up to her, I felt bad for feeling the way I did to her, but once I let her in, I was happy. She wasn't that bad of a person, and soon I felt happy, and safe once more, My father loved her, and I soon came to also.
Margot is a loving lady, she is pretty, she's nice, and understanding. She may be bossy, and she may like to get her way, But she's a good person, and she loves us.
My life started to lift from there, a lot actually, I got to be with my dad aging, along with Stephan and Jina, :] And it helped, it helped a lot, when I was able to go out with Stephen, we had fun times, a lot actually.
and when Jina or mom came down here to visit, I.. I was home aging, and I actually saw all the colors; I was able to see the true colors of the world. And I felt safe, wrapped in Jina's arms' and holding Stephen's hand, I felt loved, and to think I had a home to go back to; With my father and stepmom, I soon fell into a abyss of love aging, a love I once had with my first family.
Now I have a true family full of love, yes many hardships, but all is worth it to come home aging and be with my number one family.
Jina, Stephen, Margot, John, Jerry, Mizu, Tommy, Brittany C. And many more smile
And yes I didn't tell my whole story, like I left out the dark room, and the rope.. and I left out the Wolf within my body, but that my friend... is another story.
 Wolf Memories · Sun May 23, 2010 @ 06:13am · 0 Comments |
