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God I feel so lost, so confused. Sometimes I feel like I'm saved and that I've left all that s**t that holds me down so far behind. And at other times it feels like I'm drowning in this same sea of misery. Sometimes I wish I could just numb the pain and all feelings as well. Nothing's free, everything has a price. A lesson we have to learn the hard way. Tired of waking up to a world that no longer cares, a world where people don't live, but rather struggle through the day. I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of crying, and I'm tired of buying into all the bullshit lies you sell. You say I should change, what's wrong with the life I lead, it's not perfect but it's mine. Somedays everything's a blur and I'm so caught up in you and there are days where I can see so clear and see all the s**t you do to me. There are days where I ******** hate you, days where I wish I could just kill you. Days where I hate everyone, sometimes I hate everyone and everything. Maybe it's better to be alone then to always have to hide. Maybe it's better to be dead than to always have to cry. I don't want this anymore, I don't want your apathy and I don't want to ******** cope and deal. All this pain and all this rage, all the hate I feel bottled away in me. I can't take it, there really is no hope for better days. I trusted you, I put my faith you, faith you smashed on the floor like little pieces of glass? How did it feel to break something that you so carefully helped to create. Sometimes I feel like I'm slowly going crazy and other days I feel like I'm the only sane one in the room. I wish I could forget and I wish I could forget. God knows all the ways I tried to escape you but none of ever worked. Razorblades, alcohol, pills none of it would ever do. Nothing could ever take my pain away. Maybe I was numb until I woke up the next day. I know I'm ******** up and I've led a life full of regrets. I've made my fair share of mistakes, but I've payed for them 10fold. And still you ask more of me. What is you want from me? I've given all have to give and still you beg and plead. Do you want me to scream at you, do you want to cry and fall apart? What is it you want, goddamn I wish I ******** knew.
-Dan