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	Niatsu's Journal God's watching me with his blind eye
	Niatsu's Journal God's watching me with his blind eye

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I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know what I'm thinking. One thing remains certain... I don't understand. My comprehension skills are weak at best. My body is feels nauseous and my heart beat is fairly rapid. I am feeling an urge to... hurt myself. The urge to destroy myself one little piece at time. I think I will cry now. My words are not mean to be spoken. They are meant to linger in the silence. Can I do something else besides abuse myself? I no longer feel connect to this world. I am distant even to myself. niatsu · Wed Jul 07, 2010 @ 02:38am · 2 Comments


niatsu Community Member «Prev \| Next» Archive \| Home [05/07/19 08:39am] [07/03/17 10:12am] [04/11/16 01:04am] [01/08/16 02:40am] [08/13/15 08:15am] [07/07/15 11:02pm] [03/20/15 07:47am] [03/13/15 02:24pm] [02/04/15 11:14pm] [12/12/14 03:28am]

	User Comments: [2]
	User Comments: [2]


	Mistress... Goddess... Jennifer. When you said that I flirt with girls the last time we talked, it brought up thoughts and memories of how you partially view me... as just another man. I will likely butcher my explanation, but I hope you'll understand what I'm trying to say regardless. When you see me as a man, a being with wandering eyes by nature, you forget that I also am a loser. I have never been with anyone I wanted to be with, I have always settled. The whole thing with me going to have sex with my ex, you completely misunderstood the situation. I didn't want to sleep with her because I had feelings for her, it was because I did not believe anyone else would touch me. Lack of options, not presence of feelings. It just occurred to me much later as you could perceive it. You're keeping a view of me that not accurate in that area and it makes me feel that not even you know me. Besides that I'm still very much the same, maybe more ruder if anything. I genuinely liked you... like you. I didn't grow to like you, I grew to love you. You're awesome Jennifer. And it was different from anything else. I grabbed a drawing pad today to practice drawing because I should start tattooing apprenticeship soon and... your picture was there from when I was drawing you a picture. And my heart started beating fast and I think I held my breath... I think that's fascinating how something like that happens. =) Offline niatsu · Community Member · Wed Jul 07, 2010 @ 04:23am


	So much to say, but unable due to the public template... Offline Mistress Kitn · Community Member · Thu Jul 08, 2010 @ 08:18am

	User Comments: [2]
	User Comments: [2]

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