Atleast I'd be happier for awhile till it wore off.
I'm getting to a point were things are starting to have a major toll on me. I'm feeling more and more down every day, and I hate it. I should be fine, but just everything is making me feel worse.
The number one thing that's got me frustrated to death is graduation... it's comming so ******** fast and I have a shitload of work to finish. And it's not like the teachers are making it any easier by telling us with every project that if we don't turn it in we won't graduate. So I have the stupidest project in the world... and I'm behind on it for reasons that are not my fault... The man I was assigned to research and create a resume, letter of application, and mock interview for has no information what-so-ever on the web so I had to switch my Person and start all over. That is the stupidest project I have ever received. With only like five or so more weeks of this quarter left we haven'y done much with our senior projects.. which is what we should be more focused on.. ******** pisses me off.
Also, I don't ask my parents for much, I never have... and all I would like is a working dishwasher so that I can get my dishes done quicker and not have to be bitched at about them because no one else in the house seems to know how to do them.. the damn thing has been broken for almost two years... and I have done everything in my power to make my dad fix it.. and all he says is "I suppose" but nothings happend... I even bribed him with my good grades... which is pretty pathetic... having to use grades to be able to do the dishes. It's pissing me off so much.
I feel so lame, I don't even leave my hosue often... I used to have so many friends... We all used to hang out and have fun, but everyone has gone seperate ways and I'm pretty much left alone. I never talk to anyone except Brian and occasionally Jared... I used to hang out with Krista everyday.. now its lucky if I'm feeling good enough to spend an hour with her after school... I feel like a loser... I don't want to be a loser...
Oh yea... can't forget the people who won't leave me alone... and by leave me alone I'm meaning in negative terms. Assholes. Theres so many people I could see die and it would make me happier, not good.
I just want to sleep a full night.
I'm sick of crying.
I'm sick of trying to do everything at once.
I'm sick of being in pain.
I'm sick of it all.
The only thing I can say that's feeling good right now is Brian. I love him so ******** much. I just wish I could hold him. Kiss him. Feel him. I need him so bad. He's the only thing that has made me smile lately... and I used to smile alot... I guess it's just worn off.
GRRRRAWR ><
Angel of Mayhem · Tue Feb 28, 2006 @ 02:58am · 0 Comments |