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It happens all the time. People die, voices fade and memories become blurry. People deal with death in different ways depending how close they were to the person, or just how strong you are mentally. Every way has faults, even if you think its the best way to deal, it is probably not. Some people call them 'stages' but I call it all tests of will.
The blame game.
So you decide to blame yourself or someone for the death of someone close to you. Where is that going to get you? No where, or it could take you a few steps in the wrong direction of acceptance. If you blame someone else, saying things like, 'You should have been with them.' Could really make that person start to believe that it was actually there fault. My first test was blame, and I ended up hurting a lot of people beside myself when my father passed. Thinking that it was my fault was the hardest to get over because I actually hated myself for it. But after a while I realized that even if I would have been there, or said something different, he would still be dead. Take my advise and skip this step, its the worst to get over and took me years to stop hating myself and what family I had left at that time. And for a 7 year old I had a lot of hate.
Questions with no answers.
Of course you will ask yourself questions. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Could I have stopped it? No one deserves to go though that kind of pain, does not matter how wicked they could be. It will happen to everyone eventually, one day you will get a phone call or you will walk downstairs to find all your family staring at you with a look that says they are sorry for what they are about to say. There are no answers to these questions, because it was not your fault, you did nothing wrong and if it was there time to go, nothing could have stopped it. This test is one everyone will take, but once you realize it was there time to go, this phase will fade.
The river of emotions.
Shock, sadness, anger and many other emotions will rush threw your body once you have heard the news. What everyone does is different, some scream, some cry, some look to others to hold. The way you act depends on how you found out. Like for instance, when I was told the first thing out of my mothers mouth was, 'something bad has happened to your father.' What would a seven year old who was just joking around with her brother think? After a bit of me and my brother guessing and laughing about my father being in jail or something like that she just came out and said it. The laughter stopped. For me it was shock, I sat there, doing nothing but looking up at my grandmother. She was standing next to my mom, then I realized they had just done a lot of crying. And for my brother, it was anger. He never really shows any emotion, but when he does its anger. He got up and stormed off, yelling about how my mother was not telling the truth and it was a sick joke. I was in shock for a few days. Not talking or eating, but when it finally hit me I broke down and sadness took over. But that was just me. Everyone is different so they might go though different emotions.
I know there are other ways of dealing with death, and if I feel like I need to add more I will later on. But I hope this helps. But the best advice I can give, time heals. It does. After a while I realized that I could not change anything and that I would never see my father again, I still cry and get upset. But it has gotten better over the years. Just take it one test at a time.
 secret reality · Sun Feb 20, 2011 @ 01:34am · 1 Comments |
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