It was all kind of white for a while
In the center of the store, with a thousand cheap light bulbs staring down at me
Everything blurred, the memory, the vision, it was all one stream of light and color.
The countless labels on food, the random items stored upon cheaply made shelves
It was all one blob of constant color. I was gone.
Somewhere between the shoppers’ voices filling my head and the wandering
I got lost. I thought of my image, and who I am, where I live, who I want to be.
Slowly adding up the philosophy I want to develop in my life time.
Instead of committing to the religion or thoughts of another being,
I wish to decide for myself what life is and what I am here for.
What I have gathered in my spacing off in random super markets and drifting off in classes.
I understand that maybe we are not here for one purpose. Maybe everything we do does not only have a purpose, but is purpose.
So when you put on your shoes tomorrow morning, and when you put on your book bag, and you walk to school or you get on the bus, you get in your parents’ car, it was fated. It was meant to happen, whether we asked for it or not.
I also realized the gaps between events, between the getting in the car and getting to school there is the awkward silences, the messing with the radio because “nothing” is on. I realize that these are the moments that we are meant to think, whether it is to reflect on our choices or to plan future ones. We are meant to think, so when people say to let go of the past, maybe we are not meant to, maybe we need something to hold on to until we are able to comprehend tomorrow.
The final thing that I came in to the thought of is that I want to hope all of my fated choices lead me to do things in life that I don’t have to do. I want to do things that are random, I want to occupy my time doing things just to say that once in my life I did them. So when I have those moments where I have to think back, where I am not ready to plan ahead, I want to look back and say that it’s okay that horrible things happened, it’s okay that I was lead one way or the other, because I can say that I will do other great things. I will use my time in the future, to make myself a better past.
And so as I through the automatic doors in to the darkness that was night. I looked at the endless sky and knew that the sun would come up in just a few hours. It would be another day started, another day of events and pauses. Tomorrow will be beautiful, even if it’s a bad day.
These are the thoughts of a tired mind.
AwkwardRaisin Community Member 
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